Granny’s Panties

There are a number of studies and written articles that address directly the benefits of sex. I have provided a few informative links should you feel compelled to discover all the reasons why you should be having sex. Right now you may be debating whether or not to call that distant cousin. I say go ahead from what I have read it seems like the health benefits far outweigh familial shame. Oh right, the links:
Neigh say you? The evidence is clear. I personally think the intimacy is crucial to a relationship. The vulnerability of being nude and the comfort of being that way with a partner is sacred. That being said should I see some dude cleaning a cat litter box naked I won’t find that so special.  Let’s not forget all the “cool” things guys like to do with their penis and or scrotum. “Helicopter” directly comes to mind but there are so many more.
There are a few reason’s sex may be bad: you’re too young or genetically faulty to breed, you don’t use proper protection, or the other party just got slipped a roofie (shame shame double shame on you!!!)
What is m0st disheartening to me is society’s strict constraints on acceptable sexual activity for geriatrics. I want to imagine that the reason those elderly ladies are in “Silver Sneakers” at the YMCA is because they need to stay limber enough to pull of a reverse cowgirl.
I fantasize about assisted living facilities being comparable to a co-ed dorm. I mean after 7:00 pm it goes down to Nastytown. Total debauchery with rooms smelling of camphor and secretions mingled with a touch of Avon fragrances.
The elderly should not be ashamed of their activities. I mean, why not celebrate what separates us from mammals until we die? Dude,  this is random, but, I bet monkey cooter smells awful. 

I know the elderly are just as in touch with their sexual side as young people,.why do you think grandpa wore the shorts that his balls slid out of when he sat down? Why do you think Grandma wears that pair of light yellow slacks that you can see through to her panties? I mean do you think it was really an accident that her house robe wasn’t properly buttoned when the UPS man brought her Liberty Medical packages? “Sundowners” my ass!
We should foster and environment that encourages the elderly to have sexual desire too.  They should never feel inhibited to express their needs because of an unfair taboo. Celebrate your golden years with golden showers, it’s time to empty that catheter anyhow.

43 responses to “Granny’s Panties

  1. Thank you! Thank you!! Thank you!!! I’m going to send those links to my wife immediately, and soon after she reads them, I’m going to jump into bed and shout “HELP!!! I’m in grave danger of imminent sickness and death, and only YOU can save me! I know you truly love me sweetheart, and now you know just what you need to do to help me!” This is a GREAT day!!!

  2. And this is another reason why we are friends….

  3. By George, I think you’ve just inducted monkey cooter into sexual dialogue. Bravo!

  4. Oh dear God what have you done. Those photos, the word “Secretions” My poor stomach… LOL… nice post.

  5. I think I am going to die with laughter, this post is killing me, You have a terrific wit and sense of how the disgusting can be oh so funny.
    I now have mental images of a naked Betty White in my head and that scares me, I wll have to surf for porn to rid my self of geriatrics bumping uglies…………. you rock Sheena!

  6. I’m not so sure it’s society’s attitude towards geriatric sexuality. I’m pretty sure it’s the erectile dysfunction, menopause and vaginal dryness that makes it such a drag.

  7. There’s an active living community here in central Florida called The Villages and there was a time a few years ago that STD’s were running rampant through their community. I imagine Don And Betty having dinner at 4:30 and then driving their golf cart over to the neighbor’s house for the nightly key party.

  8. I’m all for the elderly embracing their sexuality and going at it like wrinkled old rabbits, but let’s create a new rule: from this point on, no references to septuagenarians, octogenarians and “reverse cowgirl” in the same paragraph.

    Thanks for an amusing – albeit disturbing – piece!

  9. Oh my ! now that is what I call blogging. Letting it all hang out, literally.

  10. Bahahahahahaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!

  11. ok If I even Make it to some really old age, I Hope I am the old geezer that can not only say but actually Tap That,

  12. damn, this mighta gave me a pudgy!

    hilarious stuff, Sheena

  13. I am pretty sure that my blog crush on you after this post might lead to a restraining order!!! (as if that will stop me from reading it from the required 500 ft away! Seriously, it’s paper not plutonium! Just add it to the stack!) it’s not often that a mental image can make you gag & giggle at the same time! Cheers!!!

  14. Le sigh. I don’t need the medical community to tell me what I already know…it’s just a cruel reminder that I’m a single woman in a town where I don’t know a soul. Sounds like I’d be a hot commodity, right? Wrong. Being 8 months pregnant is kind of a buzz kill [or maybe not-- I think they make fetish sites for that]. I feel like a beached whale. Maybe a fellow Moby Dick can come harpoon me?

    Kidding. Sort of. Let’s not forget the senior citizens. Old folks need loving too. Hell, they need more than just sex. They need the drugs and rock and roll too. MDMA should be supplied in every co-ed dormitory in homes for geriatrics.

    • I think a drug induced orgy is necessary for everyone!!! I don’t see where pregnancy HAS to be a turn off I mean when else could not worry about pregnancy???

  15. Hello friend

    hahahahaha

    thanks a lot, now I won’t be able to look at another old woman without thinking, “is she checking me out?”

    hahah

    -Peace

  16. You left me at a total loss for words… “monkey cooter?” OMG. I need a towel to clean up the piss I just took while laughing.

  17. That last picture looked more like an old man pretending to be an old woman. Don’t get me wrong, I’d still hit it, but I’d kind of like to know whether I’m breaking Eve’s hip or Steve’s hip. You think old ladies still like to have sex? Bingo! Which is incidentally the best place to pick up old ladies.

    • I want to think old ladies never wanna stop, I want to put a sex swing on my screened in porch upon retirement. I mean there has to be some consolation to wearing treaded socks everywhere????right??? Hey my grandma is single by the way

  18. Just love this post. Best laugh all week.
    Thanks for the contact, Sheena. I’ll have to read some more.

  19. Sheena, please don’t forget the rapturous joys of the denture-less blow-job…just tryin’ to be helpful here. continue…

  20. I too have an extreme aversion to monky cooter, honed to a sharp point by a series of disastrous dates with the Siamese Simian Sisters.

    But who knew I’d react that way? These reactions are completely unpredictable.

    • It’s funny that Animal Planet was on as I watched, and I saw the monkeys dirty hands…and thought (they are not like people, their so filthy!) and then well, I thought of monkey cooter…my mind went there. I was repulsed by myself, and felt the need to share!

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