I’m Like a Less Hot Dr. Ruth

image: squidoo.com

Women, there is no possible way you want to be alone, right? Do you want a big strong man to come and fill you full of babies? How passionately do you long for a penis having jerk bag of your very own? Well, I have decided to use my own expertise in relationships to help you. Not that I have successful relationships but none the less, I have solid and useful advice (you should not be not using ever always). I have provided two examples of what may seem to be cause for trepidation, but in fact should be a complimentary quality you should indeed look for:

RED FLAG #1

He has cheated in EVERY past relationship:

image: fyi-spy.com

You have somehow received this tidbit most likely from him because cheaters are honest and forthcoming.  Alright, so where does that concern you? Not at all proceed without caution! You are different and can convince him to be faithful just by being you (you’re that special, I mean it, like, reach for the stars special).  Guaranteed, you have the total package and more than enough to offer to curb such behavior.  Don’t worry about such silly things! Make sure you invest too much emotion,you won’t ever find yourself bitterly disappointed. Go girl, I give this a big thumbs up.

RED FLAG #2

His ex-girlfriends and/or wives absolutely hate him…all of them

image: currybear.com

What are haters gonna do? Hate! Especially playa hate! They are only mad because this guy is not emotionally, physically and romantically available to them. Why else would every woman this guy knows have such hostile resentment towards said Prince fucking Charming? Only total psychopaths. He will no doubt divulge you in their lack of mental stability and what are the odds that every ex he has is legitimately bat shit crazy; highly likely. Seriously, a thorough analysis by several professionals conclude that precise diagnosis: bat shit crazy. Don’t listen to those “hos” they just want what you have, they are sooooenvious.

image: break.com

Alright, well, mingle and meet the man of your dreams. I have provided a compass and you have your heart as well for guidance. Go ahead and thank me now, you won’t have to later.

I wish you the best, and remember caution is only for stop lights okay?

43 responses to “I’m Like a Less Hot Dr. Ruth

  1. Fantatsic Love it. Now how do i explain to someone that they are not reach for the stars special…..

  2. LOL

  3. Ummm… can you write from the boys perspective? please? Im not a girl. Still some of the best advice I got was, “Don’t put your dick in crazy.” its pretty sage advice.

    • I will channel my inner man, I suppose, and attempt such a blog. I don’t however think it will be so full of conviction and definitive opinion.

  4. What if all of his ex’s still love the guy? Is that still a warning sign? Not that this particular instance applies to me.

  5. Some cheaters are honest… Just tell how it is and women still want them …. Crazy!

  6. Wow… Dr. Ruth! Back in the day, I used to get high and LMAO watching Dr. Ruth! (chuckling right now just thinking about it) But do ya know what I found the most disturbing here? I have that exact same tie in your photo – but NOT the matching collar! No, really! Nope, never had a collar like that, not once ever! Well okay; except for one night, and one night only… when my wife was drunk and her kiss kinda missed. Lol – but that doesn’t count, right?

  7. Less hot Dr. Ruth? Maybe minus the German accent. Your advice is so much more sound than hers. Which makes you hotter.

    Red flags are what I look for in a good woman. I mean, how are you supposed to find the right one if they’re not flying flags for you to see?

  8. You just ain’t right ! I love it

  9. Psychotic women can be fun to date, but I draw the line at ones who light random fires: it’s a pain in the ass having to abandon your mushroom linguine because your date has set fire to the tablecloth.

  10. You’re way hotter than Dr. Ruth. Now, I mean. Not in her prime! No, not then. If I took your dating advice, I think I would be gay. Because I’m a dude! But if I was a woman, I’d be to like OMG and fir rills and junk to like read like words and stuff, you know? so like i’d be all glad and stuff that yr their to tale me how to daet and meet a boi and love him and have babys and that.

    But I’m not, so… useless! Still a good post, for a girl.I hope that didn’t sound as sexist as I meant it to.

  11. So true it’s scary.

  12. One more red flag/requirement:

    He really must have no visible means of financial support. Any man worth having is one you’ll have to pay for.

  13. I always thought hating X’s was therapeutic ?

  14. Well in the men’s defense there are a whole lot of bat shit crazy women in the world.

    • OH of course there really are but there is something to be said about a man who has a legion of them as ex’s hellbent on making his life miserable. Nice guys generally don’t have that many crazy exs

  15. Funny read :-) quite true too though.

  16. when poverty enters the front door
    love exits out the back door

    so simply, women should find a man with good work ethics
    not a lazy loathe who bounces around like a bunny…

  17. Wow! I might be Dr. Ruth too.

  18. Well I was ignoring the awesome texts coming in telling me why I should get outta bed at 1am for a booty call, i mean ummm to hang out & talk about our hopes & dreams, but I was sitting here thinking he will never change… There was a single tear & I was listening to the same cure song over & over… Now though I am up & grabbing my skanky skivvies! I AM SPECIAL! :) thank you for the wisdom :) gotta go!!!!!

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