See Spot. See Spot Die. See Spot Regenerate.

Today’s topic; pet animal cloning. At first I was discussing this with a friend in order devise a shiesty get rich quick scheme. The idea was to open a “cloning agency”, claim to clone the animals but just get a dog that looks similar to the original. Since cloning is not an exact duplicate, some physical characteristics are expected to be different. We charge a crap load of money, spend about $150 at the pound, and collect the profit. If you haven’t read my previous wealth enhancing future plans you need to do so now, there’s the link, did you click on it?! Why are you reading this?…..My sigh of exasperation is quite audible at this moment. Read:

My New Get Rich Quick Schemes

Pet Cloning is basically this: Viable live tissue is extracted from a living animal or freshly dead animal (sorry no living dead animals). The tissue is manipulated all scientifically and Merlin like. Here I imagine the cloned cells dancing around to 20’s swing music as they happily multiply each other.  Who doesn’t want to see their own mitosis process do the Charleston right? Boring stuff, boring stuff, and then the pet’s clone is implanted into the womb of another mammal.

I found all this vague and yet undoubtedly true information here:

My Friend Again- Dog Cloning Services

In Korea it's trendy to clone things thus you can also be on "Fashion" magazine

The guy on the left claims to offer such services and this dog is indeed a clone. This includes a biopsy kit for $1,500 (to extract live tissue for cloning), tissue storage $150 a year and freakish cloning of animal for $100,000.

I am emphatically certain the legitimacy of this website and services offered. So certain I am going to investigate this further. I don’t have a dog but I think my mom wouldn’t mind if I offer her Pomeranian up for cloning. Why she would want a second one, I don’t know. This dog barks at people when they stand up. So the minute you feel compelled to do, well, anything she is yapping. Why pet owners tolerate the things they do is beyond me. Let granny do that shit and she’s in the home before the next sundowners episode.

I decided to contact this fellow via e-mail :

Pom Clone

Sheena Smith
9:20 AM (0 minutes ago)

to wolf.usa
Greetings Friend,

I stumbled upon your site while on a quest to clone my mother’s dog Angel. She’s a Pomeranian. I don’t love her, but my mom sure does! She even let’s the dog give her open mouth kisses. I mean to letting a dog lick your mouth is indicative of real pet love. Okay, so I have extra questions about the cloning:
1. Can the wizards at your laboratory put the clone fetus in me? First, I want to give birth to a different species, and I imagine a small dog would be more simple than say…a Grizzly Bear. I cannot imagine a larger expression of love to my mother than to birth her dog clone. 
2. Can the wizards clone a body part of a human? Perhaps only a human hand? I have always like “Thing” on Adams family and can imagine how helpful a disembodied hand creeping around my apartment would be. I mean for multiple occasions *hint *hint. 
3. Can I pick and choose the clone’s powers? Like on video games you can pick different powers for your character and at varied levels (speed, strength, endurance, etc.) so like could I pick the ability to “not shit where people walk” and “shut up barking when I yell at you”?
Well, I hope you can answer my questions. I plan on ordering a biopsy kit soon, which leads me to only one more question:
4. Do I have to go to the vet? I dye my hair at home and it turns out okay, I’m pretty sure I can do this too. 
Any information you may be able to provide would be orgasmic. Thank you, and have a super fantastic day!
                                                                                                                                                       
                                                                                                                                                             
I will keep you all posted on any return correspondence. I may go ahead and get the ball rolling on this. I think I’ll collect some tissue from my mom’s dog and keep it in the fridge until I hear back from this dude.
Also, I either caught a “Fail” or dogs really work in the laboratory.
The caption to this picture (below) on the website reads:
“Here is a picture of me with one of the cloning scientists”

32 responses to “See Spot. See Spot Die. See Spot Regenerate.

  1. You never disappoint, young woman! Great post; wildly original!

  2. Sheena, you are more fun than hallucinogenic drugs, and without those potentially dangerous side effects! LOL

  3. This is funny, but really the truth is that someday people will do this shit… like, have the same damn pet their entire lives, just different versions. Creeps me out.

    • I’m creeped out by the animals but definitely by human cloning. I think the clones have no option but to be evil. Also, why not adopt another pet? There are so many to choose from. When I go I am almost convinced I am in love every time. There’s really no need to spend that kind of money.

  4. How scary for the kids,

    “Daddy Daddy Rovers been run over!”

    “That’s OK kids I’ve got another one ready to go in the fridge.” :-)

    Jim

  5. Can they clone me a unicycle-riding circus bear that shoots lasers?

  6. Your email to them was so bizarre it seemed normal.

  7. There are some that truly clone animals. I’ve heard though that in order to get the one perfect animal you love, they kill a number of other animals. I prefer your method. Dishonest? Maybe. But that shelter pup that got a second chance thanks to you wouldn’t tell.

    • I had no idea other animals died for this! You know, I’m not a pet person b/c I work long hours but I still like animals. I think the pound is the way to go. I had a dog from one before and she was the best dog, house trained and sweet as could be. I think that maybe my idea is looking more like a crusade! A dishonest crusade in which I make a lot of profit…but perhaps a neccessary evil?

  8. Hang on, so this guy has access to the most awesome force the planet’s ever seen, and he uses it to extort money from wealthy idiots? He should be putting it to a worthier purposes. For example, it’s a known fact that most serial killers start out killing animals. Provide them with an infinite supply of animals and they might never move on to people. If that’s not a worthy goal I don’t know what is.

    • He does, and I for one would make a hybrid animal, like a gorilla/cheetah super strong, super fast…FTW! You should perhaps propose a serial killer farm, but I don’t want to know about dead puppies and kitties. It’s probably better than people but still.

  9. Hilarious! I can’t wait to hear what this guy responds with (if he does). If he fails to see the humor, I have a feeling the first thing he’ll do is ask for your credit card number.

    I hope your mom realizes what a great sacrifice you’re willing to make by birthing her clone dog. I just want to know if you can teach a cloned dog new tricks.

    • Yeah my mom sure knows my devotion to her, as I make mention of her often and propose different innovative ways to express my love for her. That poor lady. I am hoping he does, but I think he’ll just assume us Americans are all cracked and he’ll like you say, simply ask for a credit card number. I got my fingers crossed for a saucey angry response.

  10. Wasn’t this a twilight zone episode ?

    • I should know this, I love that show and watch it anytime it happens to be on. I don’t remember, probably though. The only one immediately coming to mind is the pig face people…what a awesome show

  11. Check out Act Two of this This American Life episode:
    http://www.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/291/reunited-and-it-feels-so-good
    You can play the episode and skip ahead to Act Two

  12. Good stuff! Laughed my ass off!

  13. Hahahah do you guys remember that Schwarzenegger movie The Sixth Day? They were cloning pets in that movie too. And there was that one classic Arnie line: “You should clone yourself now, while you’re still alive… so you can go screw yourself.”

  14. Hey! New get up! I like it

  15. I see we’ve lately changed the banner image. Cool upgrade!

  16. You need to get a WordPress.org account setup and guaranteed you’d get rich quick if you had ads… your shit is hilarious!

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