Generation Y’s “FAIL” at Dating

Liberated women pee where they want!

Chivalry is not dead but it’s more than likely in hospice care unaware it’s pooping on itself. Yes, there are good guys out there, so many are taken or even worse their hopelessly trapped in the “friend zone” for reasons that make women deem them undesirable. This post isn’t really about me being jaded, jilted, and downright fucking hostile when it comes to the treachery of men. Women evoke their fair share too.

This is really just some commentary about how my generation and really, the one before mine, is inept in the dating realm.  We approach it with a consumer attitude of more is more and never enough. No delayed gratification. Extravagant sales pitches and limited time offers.  To obtain more, you often have to lie.
Birth control, thanks to baby-be-gone meds and condoms it’s a whole lot easier to have a casual encounter without the worries (making a pregnant into a pregnot). Don’t misunderstand me, it’s great we have healthy options at our disposal. You just don’t feel the need to wait for Mr. Right because Mr. Right now can bone pretty good. People don’t have to be married or in love they just have to run to the drug store for Trojans. Yet there are old standard that apply to a woman’s willingness to put out. The sexual revolution is diminished by this, sorry girls we aren’t viewed as enlightened we are still hos. Courting isn’t a means to begin something special, it’s a means to an end. Sadly,  when anything becomes more convenient it means more, more, more. It’s the assembly line effect.

Now follow me, with the courting factor now stuck in fast forward, guys want to get your attention in the limited amount of time they have. Really because you know, shorty on the other side of the room in the leggings might be leaving soon with her girlfriends.  She does have a big ol’ booty too. They have to advertise with all the emphatic salesmanship of a thirty-second commercial. They have to wear their expensive clothes, let you know their lucrative occupation and also that you’re the most intriguingly beautiful woman since five minutes ago. I am named after a 80’s pop star douche bag, my name isn’t exotic or inciting.  If I were a pretty as you claim, I wouldn’t be sitting here at Dirty Sanchez’s karaoke bar, I’d be in Milan wearing ugly “fashionable” clothes. (Like, for serious I could make a better dress out of scotch tape, legos and construction paper.)  Sorry dude, I suppose my sex drive is on 3G network still, you’re going too fast for my liking. I say good day.

Free Love looks...smelly

I am pretty sure that without the ability to control pregnancy and STDs people were just a little ( I use this term lightly though) more discriminating. I’m not being condescending, casual happens, and it’s healthy in my books if it’s two (or three or four) consenting adults. It just seems that with out the threat of syphilis being incurable and rotting your brain out anymore we have fewer consequences.  It seems like dating has gone into hyper active over drive and some of these guys have to be more extravagant than the next. They have to talk better game, appear more endowed with fuckable attributes than the last guy. They have to do it also because the last guy lied now they have to lie better. I feel I’m stuck in the game of waiting the guy out to see how quickly their true intentions manifest and still being fooled by a more tactful, exacting guy who is more patient but a fucking liar all the same.

Here’s a logical idea, just be direct. It’s perfectly okay to not be everyone’s ideal so stop adjusting yourself to what you think that particular woman wants. If she wants a one night stand she’ll have one. If she want’s a relationship and so do you then give it go. Dwindle your prospects down just a little and stop lying, perhaps crazy bitches won’t key your car and blow up your voice mail anymore. If it’s quantity of quality you’re after, don’t use insincere tactics and lies to get what you want. Don’t say what you think a woman wants to hear say what the fuck you want and let her decide that too. Then perhaps women won’t think men are lying bastards and good guys are still out there.

Go ahead thick girls make out with cherubs if you so desire.

Come on generation Y, I know we do everything fast. I think it’s intrinsically disrupted our development going from home phones and MS-DOS to cell phones that also have crazy fast internet on them. Like seriously, hold your fucking water Sybil, slow down, make your intentions apparent and let’s all make decisions based on information provided not false pretension. When we stop approaching dating like consumers with latent and irrelevant traditional values we can start enjoying our sexuality naturally, and how we see fit.

70 responses to “Generation Y’s “FAIL” at Dating

  1. You have put so much truth into this post Sheena, I don’t know where to begin. With the total and almost instant availability of cheap and dirty sex by just snapping the fingers, most dating seems pointless — mere exercises in satisfying animal instincts. As for long term relationships, every one seems to end with the other party bopping along down the bouncy road of bedhopping on the other so what’s the point?

    As a son of a dairy farmer, and one who has milked countless Holsteins,
    we return to the old old saying: Why buy the cow when the milk is free?

    And yet.. all the good women seem to be taken. The smart ones are attached (and usually have been for a long time), and the others are too loose either mind or body to be safe or interesting.

    We continue to muddle along, bouncing from the bumpers of the pinball machine of life. The search continues.

    Great post.

    • Thanks, I tend to think if we would progress with our staunch moral standing on sex that needs to be updated, it would be less taboo. When you make something shameful, you make it degrading. It should be celbrated and beautiful. I hope we catch up to Europe where nudity isn’t dirty and women are beautiful at any age. I mean it’s a hard place to be for woman knowing how long to wait that’s acceptable for the guy b/c they’ll do it either way and not respect or will respect you in the morning…catch 22 we’ve created.

  2. Aaaaaannnnndddd… Let the church say amen!

    • Ya like? :) Hey, I couldn’t help but observe after a fiasco night in downtown Nashville and being hit on by…5 yeah, 5 different guys, all inappropriate. All trying to hook up…with false sense of entitlement and pretend bravado. So unattractive and so sad

  3. I think we are just stuck with the current version of (speed) dating. It is too hard to change anything. Guys will get sick of getting dismissed if they don’t preen like a peacock for the first few minutes and girls will get worn down from getting incessantly hit on all the time and give in to some guy and then make the guy even more sure that his “peacocking” was the right move.

  4. I suppose both sexes are guilty of making it too hard on each other. We strive too hard to be the best at little things b/c we pretty much have what we want. Think about it, we aren’t laboring like our grandparents, so we fill our time with scrutinizing little meaningless things. We let media dictate too much what we should be and that changes with the wind. Sigh, I could nerd it up for hours on this topic.

  5. There should be a 69G network. I probably missed the point, but since I am married, I don’t have to get the point, see the point, or even have a point. In fact, it’s probably better if someone just tells me what the point is supposed to be, or hands me a sheet of paper with the point printed on it.

    • This is probably a lot more appealing to singles, come to think of it. :) You’re funny and you must be a good husband to not even have a clue what I am saying. Why? You are mentally that far removed.

      • No, I get the concept of the whole binary consumer approach – ‘Hi. I’m awesome and I think you’re awesome. So, wanna fuck? No? Okay, later then. Oh, hey there! I’m awesome and I think you’re…” And the falseness. It’s just that I’ve never been like that, even when I was single. Take me or leave me, sort of thing. Of course, it doesn’t hurt that I’m flying like a G6 because I’m a doctor in Beverly Hills…

      • No, judging from your writing you are far more thoughtful. It’s generalized though. There’s good men, which is why I said they’re pretty much taken or in the friend zone of a girl who won’t see their potential b/c there is something they do that makes them abrasive relationship wise. We really have gotten much further than the caveman in our practices when you think about it.

      • Your words are like silver tinsel reflecting the moonlight onto pools of hidden pain, which spill over into everyone’s world, inspiring them to do good works for strangers. Or some fucking thing like that.

      • that was quite beautiful

  6. Yes, be direct…but also be willing to change! That is, I think it’s good to be clear about one’s hopes and expectations, but those can and should evolve as a relationship progresses. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing from the start, it can be about taking a promising beginning and working together to see what can come.

    Oh boy, now I just feel like I’m generalizing. As if I know what I’m talking about. And I should add that I’m actually quite happy to live in the age of birth control. :)

    • :) Yeah we do change our feelings for sure so being open is key always. Don’t lead someone on, break it off or take it to the next level. It’s silly that in an age where Family Guy gets away with saying the things they say and we hardly bat an eye…that we still cannot be direct. Seriously, I don’t think my generation has confidence like real confidence. I blame it again on having it easy and so many ppl with no skill so to speak, nothing to create, just video games and facebook. If we worked for more and actually created more things, physically did more things, I feel we would value ourselves so much more…and not need to lie and be fake…birth control is quite nice :)

  7. Honestly the last few generations that are here of legal dating age (and just shy of) have honestly no f’ing clue what they want! Then again when has that really not been the truth to some degree since the dawn of humans? People want someone they can connect with on possibly every level but then still have that aesthetic element to it. Unfortunately they seek out the later and hope the rest falls into place. I am speaking from both perspectives on this(guilty but reformed), however that is a more lengthy story which I will not put here as I do not want to detract from your post.

    • I don’t think that’s the problem. In fact, I think it’s exactly the opposite. They know exactly what they want. Maybe a little too specifically. They hinder themselves with unrealistic expectations (I.e. I want a man/woman between this tall and that tall, must have a master’s or higher, make 100k a year, have an IQ of 120 or higher, a credit score of 700+, etc. Etc.). Unrealistic expectations lead to disappointment and then settling for just the sex instead of an actual relationship. Soon it becomes more about finding somebody to fuck than somebody to be with. True story. Living proof.

      • Think actually we are both right. Your theory is more of the fairytale-ish mentality, which I actually agree with. However in my time here I have seen far too much of what I mentioned before. Honestly if your read what I wrote you and I are basically saying the same thing.

      • Yeah I didn’t want my blog to be crazy long but I was planning on touching the issue of how women sabotage themselves to try and fit a collective desirable man not theirs. It’s a good point.

  8. I’m glad I missed out on this speed-mating, honestly. This is very well-written. I’d apologize for my half of the species as we clearly started this post you wrote, but that would also be pretty lame.

    • Thanks. No need, it’s not all of the male species by far, it just seems like a big majority. I guess it’s seems worse than it is since being single. It seems like our generation had undeserved pride and so many younger guys feel above being a gentleman because so many women step all over them…vicious cycle.

  9. After reading this post, I immediately thought of one of the rules in that old movie Swingers, where Vince Vaughn is telling Jon Favreau that women respect honesty.

    http://www.angelfire.com/pa/205/links5.html

    • Very true, also, I think it’s perceived as confidence which can make a not so hot guy incredibly attractive. It’s amazing how when you think you’re a valuable person other people believe it too.

  10. I think a big part of it is that a lot of people think it’s what’s expected of them. For a lot of people, chivalry is embarrassing. Guys get made fun of for opening car doors for women, giving flowers or kissing hands. It really goes to show you how many confident men are out there, and how many little cowards that are desperate for other neanderthal’s approval are out there.

    • Life got easy for us and we want it easy everywhere. Yes, men make fun of other men for being romantic and being a gentleman. Confident men are hard to find just like women who are truly confident are hard to find. I also think when someone wrongs us we are too quick to take it out on everyone else, b/c hurt feelings are also embarassing. Somehow we’re detached, I think it’s because we have that pride that one would have if they acheived great things but my generation hasn’t worked near as hard for what they have. My grandparents were guaranteed to go to school, or government assistance b/c they were poor, they worked like crazy. I’m sure when life isn’t so easy meaningful relationships are so much more important to keep you strong.

  11. what a wonderfully clever post – great insight – thanks

    • Yeah? I’m a short girl so I don’t discriminate in that department. Guys have to pretty short to be shorter than me, and I’m still gonna rock heels if that makes me taller. I suppose the taller version of men are suckish though? I never knew :)

  12. Love the post. All the things to say if I were a girl. But if rocking some heels makes one feel taller… never mind it will never work for guys. Damn it! LOL

  13. LOL! Your right, I have to google that for a store that can fit me up. Who knows could be a new fad for shorties… lol Cheers to ya for the smiles.

  14. Preach it, sister.

    This is why men in bars, 99% of the time, really suck. Also, women in bars. And then I’m thinking, why am I at this bar. And then I’m like, oh right, it’s Suzie’s birthday and I said I’d come.

    But seriously, sincerity is in short supply.

    • Ha ha! I know, I don’t expect much from a bar alcohol makes ppl act a little more bold or a lot more in most cases. Although it seems like it everywhere now, and smarter guys pretend they’re sincere. Sadly we just don’t give the nice one’s a chance we like them as friends…I think its counterproductive what are we doing? sillines!

  15. Thinking that humans would have been more careful in the age of (completely) uncurable VD is to grossly overestimate us.

    • Yeah we are very naive about our own mortality especially when young. Boo on humans, we haven’t evolved we learned how to do things easier? Thanks for reading

  16. Ah, you’re a dating expert now! :-)

    Subhan Zein

  17. Very intelligent, insightful and perceptive post. I read this back when you first posted it and I wasn’t going to comment because I haven’t been involved with dating since 1986, so I’m kinda out of the loop. But since there’s no fool like an old fool, here goes:
    I’m putting the blame squarely where it belongs – on my generation; the boomers, and our so-called sexual revolution. As you mentioned, free from the fear of pregnancy thanks to the pill, many of us went off on an acid induced orgy of free love, while convinced that we weren’t turning sex into something shallow, cause we were rejecting the “sexual repression” of our parents. We were the heroic revolutionaries who were freeing our minds and our bodies, and we were on a mission to free the world.
    But then when much of the “high minded” ideology of the 1960s was exposed as just a collective self delusional pipe dream – not all of it, but much of it, and about the time that we realized that most of us couldn’t really make it by living on communes, or lost on the street, we went out and got jobs and careers working for the same “establishment” we’d been so passionately rebelling against before.
    So we dropped all the idealism, worshiped the acquisition of money to get more and better things, and plunged ourselves into the mass hedonism of the mid 1970s when disco was king and free love became fuck anybody you want to, as often as possible without love or any sense of real respect for each other, and no real loyalty or interest in anything deeper than just instant gratification and mindless pleasure.
    And then we had kids… and since so many of us had no real understanding of true commitment to each other in a marriage, we got divorced in droves as soon as our marriages got to be a drag because a real relationship is hard work, and we just didn’t want to deal with that!
    So we produced an entire generation of kids, most of whom came from broken homes, and who didn’t understand the value of commitment, because their parents were incapable of teaching it to them by their own example. Instead, we taught them to have sex with mindless abandon, and if the sex turned into a relationship, and the relationship became difficult, then it’s okay to just give up, and have mindless sex again with someone else.
    And then our kids had kids… and we wonder why so many in Generation Y are at a loss when they try to deal with understanding sex, love, commitment, marriage, and a loving family that stays intact.

    Sorry for the long rant here, Sheena, but like I said at the start, there’s no fool like an old fool… If you want to trash this reply, I’ll understand.

    • No way, I like your reply too much to delete. I mean it’s insightful. I’m sure it had so much to do with it. I didn’t want to go there since I wasn’t alive I felt I would be misinformed and the post would become generalizations based on things I have heard or read. We sure lack the follow through these days. Myself included. We don’t want to lay the foundation for a healthy relationship, we want it easy from the start. I am worried that my generation will be a lot of old ppl dying lonely. Truthfully, I feel that way. It’s quite sad.

      • Thanks for your patience. I guess that your post touched upon issues that I have strong feelings about for my own personal reasons, and that’s why all that came out. I believe that there’s still always hope for things to get better, if we can recognize our past mistakes, learn from them and try not to repeat them, and then move on to a better and happier way of living.

        After a failed first marriage, a whole new and much happier phase of my life began when I stopped looking for love in the bar and night club scene, and instead I got involved in activities where single men and women shared a common interest, and did things together that they enjoyed. Sex or a relationship was not the primary goal right away.

        Later on, if there was a spark of attraction for someone, then that possibility could be explored, and with a better chance for mutual happiness, because we already had some common interests, and we knew a lot more about each other than men and women do, when they hook up in the club scene.

      • I think while we are young it’s okay to make those mistakes and have some shallow relationships. However my age group late 20’s early 30’s should be looking for mates that are compatible on multiple levels, but no it seems we are stunted now. No one seems really willing to put the work into a relationship, why not when you can bounce to the next person right? I hope I can teach my son that its quality over quantity in life.

  18. I hope you weren’t talking about me in this post!

    Sheena Easton? Who doesn’t like Sheena Easton? I actually have a friend named Kirk, also. I was named after a dude in the bible… He was a king and he knocked out a giant with a slingshot. (It’s a lot to live up to.)

    PS girls like guys that wear expensive clothes.

    • Nope, do you wear some Gucci when you go out? ha ha! I say wear them if you can afford them but if your ass is broke you need to wear some clean clothes within your price range…why? Because I deem it not sensible to leave beyond your means, being good with money is a turn on too! ha ha what a side note I took huh? ramble ramble….okay done

  19. I love this post. I have to agree with almost everything you said. I think people would feel better about the situation they put themselves into if they are just straight up. For some, dating is like a sport and someone is bound to walk away with an injury. If you only want sex then say so, if you want to be friends, have sex,and move onto some more serious in the future then just say so. If you meet someone who is a great friend and someone who truly cares about ya’, stop with the mind games and appreciate them. Just don’t be a jackass. I would rather have a good friend out of all the craziness out there than to be with someone who doesn’t give a crap about me. Happy, Dating! Lol.

    • Thanks for the input. Yes, I think it’s okay for a guy to only want sex (women too). It’s really being in touch with yourself I think. BUT I think we should narrow our playing field down to other parties that only want the same thing. Let’s not make grandiose statements to get that person, just be honest and upfront. Everyone’s happy right? I think so. It’s not fair to let someone make a decision based on false pretenses.

      • GET OUT OF MY HEAD. Lol. I completely agree with you. You have to narrow the playing field or otherwise there will be a never ending cycle and so much heartbreak and confusion. Been there, done that!

      • Yep! Like I said, a whole lot less cars would be keyed and cell phone voice mail blowing up incidents! That’s why girls act crazy or well, sometimes they are just crazy :)

  20. Sheena I love this post!!!! This sums of this crazy dating world we are in. You definitely have a way with words!!! This is the shit.com!

    • Thank you, I hope I got the point across without offending (imagine that compared to the rest of my posts) I was really trying to be serious and get a point across here. Thanks for reading and reblogging too!

  21. Reblogged this on The Truth About Dating and commented:
    This is an awesome post that sums up the craziness of the dating world. Hat’s off to Sheena from Facehookin’!!!

  22. pyar vyar ke liye tyme kahan hain…. :) students are busy studying, and employees are busy working…and after retirement whole body is aching…tho time time ki baat hain :p

    I once spent time on a long distance relationship, ended up losing a lot.
    Out of all the things i lost, time wasn’t something i could get back….

  23. Make him (or her) fall in love with EVERYTHING ELSE about you before getting physical.

    That’s been my general rule, and it’s served me pretty nicely. I think it could also be why it seems that all of the good guys and girls are already taken, because they’ve been confident enough to do the work first, get the reward later. Too many people are trying to do the opposite, and it rarely pans out.

    • Yep, and I do, I just fall for really good liars lol, I just wanted to state that ppl are not upfront enough with their intentions…all they want is pleasure. Boo on that! Thank you for reading

  24. Love this post. I’ve dabbled in internet dating (word to the wise, this dating method is all about quantity not quality and if it’s quality you were looking for like I was, don’t bother) and I can’t tell you how many liars I met. If they’ve already lied in their profile, chances are that’s just the tip of the iceberg! Honesty really is the best policy and if they can’t manage that one small courtesy, they’re not worth your time.

    • Thanks hon! Yeah honesty would save everyone a load of heartache in the end. What’s hurt feelings compared to broken hearts? I haven’t tried online dating for the reason you gave…it just seems fruitless.

      • It really is! As you get older it’s so much harder to meet people it sucks the proverbial goat testicle…maybe I should start a new business and become a blogger matchmaker!

      • Agreed, I think the blogging world would be down. Dudes I talk to don’t care about my blog, other blogger or writers do :) It’s perfect!

  25. You are fucking hilarious. Your first line cracked me up! I do think there are still consequences to these “quickies,” because there are so many people that still don’t (I know, I don’t understand it either) use birth control… Oh shit, there’s that inability to delay gratification again. I have that issue too, luckily, I’m married now ;) But I think the consequences are more emotional, cuz short and casual encounters often end up leaving one or both partners either with unrealistic expectations or feeling a bit like the used condom yon 5 date boyfriend has just stripped off his syphillitic appendage. o.O

    • Thanks! Girl you speak the truth! I tend to think that it’s personally more gratifying to connect on multiple levels and maintain a partner for a period of time so you can grow together and learn how to please each other (you don’t HAVE to be in a relationship I suppose but I think it’s unrealistic to think that for myself) but it’s frustrating these days being single on the cusp of 30 NO ONE seems to want relationships for the previously stated reasons…sigh :)

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