Familial Related and Hated Movies and Music

I grew up the eldest child in my household. That means I was a totalitarian and fascist supreme ruler of the siblings. My reign of terror only defined by at the time larger body composition which adversely was no longer a threat when my “little” brother began to outweigh me by the equivalent of freakishly large tumor (one of those that contain teeth and hair…freaky).

Being the oldest child can make you mean for different reasons. You usually have to forfeit your needs so your younger sibling doesn’t cry. Meaning mom and dad usually say “Oh my God just let him/her have it, or just turn it to that channel, or sweet merciful shit Sheena just let him/her win.” Not that I blame parents or step-parents for this. The sound of a child crying without good reason is painful as hanging out with an insecure ugly girl who fishes too hard for compliments by insulting herself. Sorry, but that shit is awkward.

So as the oldest you have to give up toys that are in turn broken by carelessness. You must share any confectionery treat of any kind, even if that asshole ate their’s already. You have to bring them along with you to hang out with older “cool” kids, so you also have to be on best behavior. You have to play crappy during a game because their wee little legs won’t run as fast.  You NEVER get to play dodge ball with a younger sibling, learned that the not so good way. Lastly, you have to stand up to bigger kids because they pick on your brother or sister even when they are in fact scary (even though you’re way meaner to them).

Out of all of those things the only thing I really resent is the movies I had to watch and music I had to listen to on constant repeat with my siblings. All else is forgiven. Here’s a list of the most abused;

4. Home Alone

“Look what ya did ya little JERK!” admittedly, that was an awesome line delivered by Kevin’s uncle. The movies itself not so bad. My brother watched this movie so many times that subconsciously I absorbed every line and even to this day can repeat lines in sync with characters. Still. Mom had to rent this movie all the time from Kroger. Ya’ll remember that? When Kroger rented VHS? They did. THEN my brother got the movie for Christmas. I never wanted to sabotage a piece of electronic equipment more in my life.

3. Buffy the Vampire Slayer

I loved Paul Reubens aka Pee Wee Herman, aka Public Display of Self Affection (nobody forgets anything, ever) in this, I really did. Again, not the worst movie ever, but on a steady repeat it’s horrible. It’s not a serious as Home Alone because this movie was a five-day rental. Once it was returned the perpetual cycle was broken as my mom refused to get this one again.

2. Land Before Time Part One through Infinity

That was my sister’s favorite movie series. Okay so the absolute worst part of these series, and for crap sake there were no less than 1,000 of them, was the screaming. Like, I get it dinosaurs, you are in danger from “sharp tooth” the T-Rex and various predators. I understand it’s a hard knock life for baby dinosaurs on the brink of ice age and extinction, but why all the screaming. My brother and I would count each scream by each dinosaur and each movie had well over 30 on average. Land Before Time IV or V had over 70 from fucking “Cera” the triceratops alone. It was torture. The ongoing joke was for my brother and I to grab a plastic dinosaur and say, “Look I’ll play Land Before Time Ahhhhhh! Ahhhhh! Why do I scream so much? Ahhhhh!”

1. Hanson

In an Mmmmbop I want to kill myself. This album was my brother’s favorite. So much so that every two weeks we listened to it entirely on the way to dad’s house. He lived a pretty good distance so if the album ended, well, we just played it again. Then at mom’s house it was on blast um, all the time. No wonder the antithesis being Marilyn Manson became so appealing to me. He was the voice for my hatred against all thing Mmmmboppy-like. You can imagine the sense of joy I got out of the SNL skit where the brothers were forced to listen to their own song over and over until they begged for mercy. I couldn’t find a good clip. Audible sigh.

It’s all good, I adapted, and headphones are the single best invention for teenagers all around. I suppose if Hanson is my only bad memories, well then I’ve got some awesome siblings and great parents. Love you all!

19 responses to “Familial Related and Hated Movies and Music

  1. I am so glad I am the youngest. But, now I understand better why my sister resented me.

  2. I feel you, I’m the eldest of four. Hanson was your BROTHER’s fave? Which reminds me, you should repost That Boy Ain’t Right once a week. It is your David Sedaris moment!

  3. I am the eldest of only one sibling, but he was a big enough attention whore to account for several younger siblings, in my opinion. My reign of terror had a pretty good run, though. I was about 12 when it ended. He is 30 years old now, and to this day he still gloats about the fateful day that I learned the hard way that he was enough bigger than me to finally kick my ass. Here’s the thing: I kicked his ass on an almost daily basis up until that day. He kicked my ass once and we never fought again. So, doesn’t that still make him the bigger idiot?!! We’re totally besties now, but it still bugs the shit out of me that he seems to think that he won somehow. Some things never change!

  4. I was the oldest, I hear you. But I did get even at at times. I used one brother as a remote control. If I wanted to change the channel (there were only like 12 or so), i bopped in the head with a stick.

  5. As the oldest in my family, I sympathize. The Hanson bit had me laughing out loud. I SWEAR TO GOD that tape played so much in my house I was convinced I was part of some secret government experiment to see how long it would take to drive a teenager insane with just music.

    • Our lives ran a eerie parallel dont ya think? Ha ha! It really did! Now, did you turd ass siblings get the Hanson Christmas album? Mine did! I also had to listen to Coolio which I pretended to not like more than I did b/c that wasn’t cool anymore, Master P was. So funny. I think they were part of an experiment and I blame Mmmmbop for everything wrong in my life.

      • My youngest sister was an infant (literally, like a month old) when Gangster’s Paradise by Coolio came out. As god as my witness, it was the ONLY song that would get her to stop crying my mom would put her in her carseat. She’d get in there, scream her head off, and when the tape would play she’d instantly quiet.

        Coolio is a baby whisperer.

  6. Now I sort of understand sibling tyranny from the opposite side. I can hope that you were a bit more beneficient than my oldest sister was though. I guess it probably was pretty aggravating for my sadistic oldest sister to end up with competition when she was only 15 months old, and then again another 15 months later. Catholics (and my mother is very much old-school Catholic) are not very good at child spacing/birth control.
    My sister ruled with an iron fist- not just with me, and to a lesser degree my other sister, but the neighborhood boys lived in terror of her too. She pushed me around and took my stuff with impunity until one day when I was 17, she took my car without my permission and brought it back with no gasoline and a quart low on oil. When she got back, I yanked her out of the car and kicked her ass so bad Dad had to peel me off of her. She even got to go to the ER for some stitches from me kicking her in the mouth. :)
    I’m not generally a fighter, but don’t screw with my car. She has never driven any car I’ve owned since.
    Being the youngest AND having a bi-polar mother whose sanity from day to day was a crap shoot, as well as a sadistic oldest sister, meant I hid out with Grandma and Dad as often as I could to keep from getting my ass kicked. My son is an only child for a number of reasons!

  7. It’s fun being the eldest sibling! Expect the part of my parents constantly telling me “You need to set a good example for your brothers”.

  8. Speaking as the younger sibling, I apologise on behalf of all younger brothers and sisters. Now I realise we were truly evil. :)

  9. I’m the youngest of 3 so I definitely know how your little brother feels. lol

  10. Derek Johnson

    Man, this post really, really takes me back. My personal films on that list were back to the future and back to the future part three.

  11. ashleypatterson21

    I am the youngest one too, and yes I broke my sister’s toys! ah so much for a little kid ;)

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