My most recent Netflix movie viewing was a little film called The Boys Next Door starring Charlie Sheen and Maxwell Caulfield. Made in 1985, it’s an independent film about what happens when you hang out with Charlie Sheen.
The Boys Next Door shows the reckless crime spree of two high school boys in Los Angeles. Bo (Sheen) admits he would just like to “go caveman”. I guess meaning, get Geico insurance and adhere to a stringent diet that abolishes all conventional foods provided by agriculture advancements. His buddy, Roy (Caulfield) says there is “something inside him”. The something I assume is evil, or a bad taco….not sure but both can cause the squirties. (thhpppppssppp!)
Anypoop, they beat up a gas station attendant as their first crime, leaving him hospitalized. This incident has two tough talking detectives hot on the trail with their keen skills and intuitive detective work. The guys are good, so good you would think that they were provided characters that magically know where their suspects are at all times, oh wait…
Well, on to the beach party. Where Roy throws a glass bottle at an elderly lady brow beating some pot smokers. This enrages three bikini clad concerned citizens that try to beat up the boy’s car to teach him a lesson. It looked like a Billy Idol video. Roy takes off with one girl on the roof of the car, she falls off and lives to aid her friends in shaking her fist at the vehicle as it speeds away. Take that!
The boys are suckered into going to gay bar. Roy gets pretty pissed and tries to fight a Borat look alike. I’m not sure why all gay men from 80′s movies look like Borat…but they do, making Borat even funnier than before. Roy chokes the guy after they fool him into thinking he’s going to get sweet high school boy action at his apartment. What a bummer. On a side note here, some high school boys are incredibly hot. I feel ashamed for thinking so. I like to call them a “Vili” because they are so hot and look far too mature for their age, I want to “Mary Kay Latourneau” them.( I recognize double standards makes this acceptable but I am really kidding.)
Roy spins out of control, and his blood lust increases. They pick up a girl who doesn’t really think Roy is all that awesome but she likes Bo. Like any sef-respecting girl, she invites both guys back to her apartment to talk about fortune telling, astrology…moons and shit. Those new age chicks always die in movies, so I knew it was coming (predict that!). Roy goes into a an ape rage when her and Bo start banging. He kills her too, which, obviously pisses Bo off.
The boys return to their car only to discover that the police have swarmed it. The cops spot the two and give chase. There’s a stand off in the mall (and again what was the mall obsession in the 80′s?) and the guys get their asses beat by the most bad ass female mall cop wielding a night stick, ever. She was like the Jackie Brown of mall security. The chase sequence was hands down the best, the 80′s is always good for a chase sequence no matter what the movie is about or how serious it is. It even had the silly, hiding behind an object and the pursuers run by without noticing bit. Why did 80′s filmmakers do this? Breakfast club comes to mind immediately…
In the end the boys are surrounded and the cops are approaching. Roy wants to shoot and Bo wants to surrender. The climatic end is Bo shoots Roy, because well, it wasn’t a bad taco…it was evil. Roy was evil. Bo goes to jail.
I’m so glad Netflix recommended this movie to me, as it knows my heart perhaps better than I do. If you love rock music, biting dialogue and a gripping story line…um, watch something else. This movie is a lot of fun.