Canadian Slut Walk

"This will be my profile pic until it doesn't get attention anymore"

First let me start by saying; I listen to the Free Beer and Hot Wings Show on the radio every morning (102.9 The Buzz). It is exponentially better than Bob and Tom (I refuse to put the radio station because no one should ever listen to an unfunny, stupid fucking show like that).

The topic a while ago happened to be The Toronto Slut Walk. I gave my immediate undivided attention. What is this? How was I not invited? Sadly, the name Slut Walk was deceptive and not awesome (such as an actual parade of sluts). It was a demonstration serving as a rebuttal to statements made by a police officer in January during a class on crime prevention. He basically said to avoid being raped, a woman should not dress like a slut.

Audio clips of sluts participating were cliche comments about owning the word slut in order to change the negative connoctation. What a novel idea because it has worked so well with other historically derogatory words and certain ethnic groups…. Oh, no  not this argument…moving on. Another slut commented saying, “I think that I can dress in a thong and some tights, and maybe not wear any underwear when I am wearing a skirt and that not be a consent for me to get raped.”  Wow, I feel ya girlfriend! I too want to dress like I’m in a Poison music video and not get raped. I also want to gyrate on every Thunderbird I see.

Last week, when I was hanging out in a dark alley, I chose to not wear pants. Well, I was raped. Never you mind it was consentual between myself, the cab driver with a hare lip, and the sweaty homeless man who reuses condoms (that’s soooo green of him!). I was assaulted! I want to parade around in revealing clothes and pretend that I don’t like the aggressive sexual attention. I will probably then drink too much and get far too flirty.  Everyone knows that sexually suggestive comments are never taken seriously by men!  I draw the line way before  after a hasty anonymous exchange bathroom. What kind of girl do you think I am?

Thanks to made for TV movies, I know exactly what a rapist looks like. It will be a man with a moustache, mullet, Brooklyn accent, and denim jacket. When this guy solicits me I’ll pull out my expired mace and hose him. That will send him back to his Chevy Astro all butt hurt because his eyes burn and his Doral cigarettes are wet.

So, what did I learn from the Slut Walk? Nothing really I am not interested in causes and demonstrations for women’s rights. I don’t care because I wanted another place to wear my thong and  display my tramp stamp like a badge of honor. I wasted my money when I compulsively booked a flight to Toronto so I could participate, Expedia would only refund some of my fees. I do know that my clothes do not make me a victim, my actions do. The good news is I can lie, and then who’s the victim? Somebody else!Everybody wins, or I win, so everyone important wins.

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