Out of Order Means Out of Order

I don’t exactly advocate profiling in a manner that cannot differentiate a potentially dangerous person from someone harmless.  We all know looks are deceiving and appearances are not always indicative of a person’s individual character.

However, its difficult not to assume that the woman wearing  all white Reeboks, slouch socks and jean shorts does not anticipate the reunion tour or Poison and Cinderella in her hometown.

I cannot help but assume that when furniture is left beside the apartment dumpster that Mexicans will not pick it up (I watch, for serious, 10:1 ratio).

Profiling can be insulting when it becomes prejudice but it can also be helpful. The word simply has a negative connotation.  Meaning the FBI’s use of studies, collective data and similar personality traits may help capture a serial killer.  The use of marketing to a certain demographic can result in a successful business.  Also, everyone knows when not hurtful in nature it can make a joke funny ( it’s still a good idea to hold your breath and wait until the black guy in the group laughs…just sayin’).

Where I am lost is; how the hell do you profile the person who poops anywhere besides the toilet in a public restroom?

Equally as bad, the person who observes the out of order sign on the toilet and proceed to poop in the toilet (or on the sign) with brazen disregard.  That’s gross but even worse is the person who adds to the first person’s contribution.  Truthfully I say to you I have seen two different identifiable turds (color, size, etc.) indicating only two things: This one person has a serious gall bladder or pancreatic problem or two different jerks pooped in the broken toilet.

Then of course who is this person that poops outside of the toilet? I am not speaking of the inadvertent smudge on the toilet seat following a tempest bowel movement, it happens. I am speaking of poop on the floor, wall, toilet paper dispenser, sink and ceiling!

I then wonder; do they pick up the turd and place it there?  Do they attempt to poop in a crazy uncomfortable position  that defies laws of physics?  If so, how do they align butthole with target and with deadly accuracy?

Could there be other dimensions and maybe those other world people’s toilets flush into our world?  Perhaps a wizard’s poop is on the automatic hand dryer?

Where I am very concerned is these people walk among us.  This weird ass person could be your librarian, boss, coworker, butcher, mayor, or your mom (or my mom).

I have never looked at a person and thought; they pooped on McDonald’s floor.  Who does this? How does one begin to define the personality type that does this?  Yet another situation where profiling could be good.



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