Mom Love’s Me Best…Probably.

Every mother will tell their children that they love them all equally.  I have to admit that if I did have two or more children and one of them chewed with their mouth open, I would be inclined to love that one less.  Seriously, I believe that parents with multiple offspring probably love one child more than the others.  Perhaps 3 of their kids have receding, weak chins and the youngest has a strong, prominent chin (with a cleft)?

One December, two weeks before Christmas, my brother and I decided we would pull the funniest practical joke of all time (in our opinion).  We could barely contain our hysterics as we told our youngest sister it was actually Christmas day.  We suggested she go ahead and start opening presents.  Naturally, she began ripping away at the paper.  Then we yell, “Mom! Taylor is opening presents!”  Obviously it was a great laugh.  Until we got in trouble.  I am sure at that moment mom loved us more for being so awesome.

Recently, I heard on the Free Beer and Hot Wings show (102.9 the Buzz if you are in Nashville), about a medical procedure that is odd as it is rare.  It is called Fecal Bacteriotherapy. I have inserted the following definition from Wikipedia:

Fecal bacteriotherapy, also known as fecal transfusionfecal transplantstool transplant, or human probiotic infusion (HPI), is a medical treatment for patients withpseudomembranous colitis (caused by Clostridium difficile), or ulcerative colitis that involves restoration of colon homeostasis by reintroducing normal bacterial flora from stool obtained from a healthy donor.

Basically, you have an overgrowth of bad bacteria and poop until your rectum falls out or you have yourself injected with someone else’s poop so you can restore the good bacteria.  I would choose Jamie Lee Curtis. How much of that probiotic yogurt does she eat? Activia, that’s the name!  No doubt she is my designated candidate for helping me restore a harmonious environment within my colon should something bad happen. I mean a child could touch me and we all know their hands are a social gathering for all bacteria. It’s possible for an actor to charitably give me their poop because the donor could be just about anyone.  Obviously they need to be in good health, but no blood type matching would be required as with an organ transplant.

That being said, I think that the ultimate test of my mother’s love is easily summed up into a hypothetical scenario.  Between My brother, sister and myself whose poop would she take if she was in dire need of fecal bacteriotherapy?

I want to ask my mom, but I don’t know if I am emotionally prepared for the response.  It would pain me to know my poop would be second to another sibling.  I shall save this question for the uncomfortable visit to the nursing home, just before my mom starts calling me her brother’s name.   Her answer will be contingent on incontinence care and a room with a window.

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7 responses to “Mom Love’s Me Best…Probably.

  1. I’ve got to say that’s a different kind of analogy I would never have thought of. It made me laugh! Thanks for that.

  2. hi love your work. warmest wishes. lonely m xx

  3. I sure hope that you don’t mind me asking you this… but are you really Sarah Silverman? LOL!

    • Oh dear that’s is the ultimate compliment, I love her. I have a deep respect for her, Amy Sedaris and your fav, Tina Fey…that made my night 🙂 I should be sleeping but the scariest thunderstorm is raging outside…eeek!

      • I’m glad that you took it that way. And yes, I really like Amy Sedaris too. I remember seeing her for the first time on Letterman some years back, and she was just so delightfully weird and off the wall, that I was like “Who IS this woman?!”

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