I Want To Suck Your….BLOOD (pervert)

Vampires are popular right now matter of fact they are fucking BOSS. They’re as cool as new Kool-aid flavors. They’re as cool as the exact moment when Horatio Kane takes off his sunglasses and delivers a clever, suspenseful one liner and The Who kicks in with that awesome scream/organ combo. Side note: David Caruso is like the only ginger I can recall that is NOT a comedian, well, on purpose.

I haven’t gotten into the Twilight craze, but I like the vampire genre well enough. I’m always down for a vampire movie, especially when it’s not oriented towards teens. Which is probably why I liked Interview With The Vampire. I love the historical back stories more than anything though the blatant homoeroticism throughout this movie wasn’t half bad. “Antonio and Brad sittin’ in a tree, k-i-ss-i-n-g!”

Kirsten Dunst’s character, was a perpetual child (she was bitten at about eh 12-ish?). I wouldn’t like to be a child but I would really hate it if I were bitten by a vampire during the most awkward stages of my adolescense. I mean, I’m talking the acne, badly dyed hair, and the fact that I was kind chunky. What if a vampire bit me at 14 years old? I would be doomed to have those “growing out”  length bangs that won’t stay out of my eyes forever? I would be a mopey, chubby girl who writes on her fucking shoes and wears silver eyeshadow?

Does this mean I would have an affinity for JNCO pants and a KORN t-shirt always or would I get hip to the changes in fashion? I don’t know because Lestat was rolling in some shit from the 1790’s. I wonder if I would resent my mother and think she’s “lame” even 200 years after her passing.

All of these things seem horrible. I do know now, however, that I would never develop past that B cup bra. I am so grateful I didn’t go to Louisiana during those awkward yet formative years (that’s a True Blood reference as well).


35 responses to “I Want To Suck Your….BLOOD (pervert)

  1. You need to watch the Korean film “Thirst”… Best vampire movie. EV-ER.

  2. I agree. Getting bitten as a teenager would have sucked. Mid-20’s and 30’s sounds just about right. 😀

  3. Stop changing the vampire rules! Crosses, stakes, garlic….all that crap needs to work!

    • Anne Rice sure doesn’t follow the formula. Also I cannot figure out the sexuality of her vampires, they’re like…hedonistic but don’t derive pleasure? I don’t know it kind of confuses me and yet got me started on my first Anne Rice book (really cool x-mas gift)

  4. Not to mention all those awkward dirt naps you were forced to take the minute the sun went down. Must have been a chiller on your love life.
    Making the Beast with Two Backs on that imported Transylvanian potting soil must have been a turnoff but then, again, perhaps kinky hot.

    • I mean the vampires have always been kind sexy too, or portrayed that way. I don’t want to date one, they have to sleep all day and would be of no assistance as far as running errands go. The bank is closed, etc, etc.

  5. I don’t like the “Twilight” stuff but I never miss “True Blood”. I’ve read everything written by Anne Rice. Her stories are my favorite vampire stories. This post is a close second!

    • I don’t hold a candle to that imagery she can provide. Sometimes I reread sentences and have to contemplate how wonderful they really are. I am reading an older Jodi Piccult right now, for me she’s hit or miss but I cannot deny that her style is very relevant and fresh. I watched only a little of True Blood and I just didn’t get hooked. I LOVE the opening credits though what a kick ass song! Thanks for reading as always!

  6. Fucking True Blood, I watch one full season of that show and it is fucking chick porn. There are like 17 different super natural fit dudes that have lived hundreds of years and they fall for some hick with a gap in her teeth and then fight each other? Get the fuck out of here.

    • Yes it’s girl oriented to an extent from what I have seen. I do like that dirty bayou vibe though. It’s like they live in on Christina Agulera’s skin. Yes, I agree that there should be unattractive vampires. I guess they are discriminating in their choosing who becomes a vampire and who dies? They want their own beautiful people club? You make a good point. I will say though I kind of like her gap, it makes her uniquely attractive, I’m biased though my mom has an itty bitty one.

  7. I preferred when vampires were scary. Less scary = more commercialized. Sort of like Christmas.

    • I liked it when Christmas was scary too! Ha ha! I kid. Yeah I like vampires to be heartless about their killing it makes them so scary. I got to say though I am just so fascinated when they have history, thus the Anne Rice appeal. I want to find a good vampire series that is indeed scary, but that will be hard to do. It’s hard to take them seriously now. Of all the monsters the vampire is the coolest. I mean anyone can outrun the crusty old mummy!

  8. I want you to know that I am honored that you chose to address me personally in your blog title here! 🙂
    “Interview With The Vampire” is one of my all time favorite books, and the movie was pretty good too. Ever see a movie called “Near Dark”? I think it’s a good one for a convincing vampire scare.

    • No, but I’ll look for it. I agree, this movie was a good one. I am so not a Tom Cruise fan (simply b/c he seems crazy and I don’t like religious zealots that are critical of other people) but I love him, hell everyone, in this movie. I just think Cruise, like Christian Bale, is well suited to play a jerk of sorts. Just my little opinion.

      • I think that Tom Cruise is crazy and a religious zealot, and if he invited me over for a beer, I’d probably find an excuse to be too busy to come over. But I also think he’s a very good actor who’s been in a lot of great movies. Lol @ Christian Bale! My wife thinks he’s so annoying that she doesn’t even want to watch him! 🙂

      • A lot of people seem to feel this way. I think Bale is less likable because he is an intense method actor. I hate him in Batman but I love him elsewhere ESPECIALLY when is role is an asshole. He pull it off so well. Tom Cruise is a good actor but I just have to put aside I don’t like him. I know Vanilla Sky was not as popular but I really liked that one. I feel like the movie got you way invested in the characters

      • Uhm… This is embarrassing, but I meant to say that my wife can’t stand Christian SLATER! We both like Christian Bale. He is a very intense method actor, and he was really good in movies like The Fighter, The Machinist, and American Psycho. Sorry for the confusion!

      • Yes, okay, I see now. I only know one dude who absolutely hates Christain Bale and he’s a dumbass (yeah I said it) Slater wants to be Jack Nicholas so bad he can’t stand it! Though I did love him in Very Bad THings….prob b/c he played an asshole so well…perhaps I love asshole jerks? That might be it

  9. I want to get bitten right NOW…so I hope the vampires find me!!!

  10. First Facehookin and then this. Truly lol for both. Why is the women vampire types all ways so angry and out to kill, when the men are allways going for the…?

  11. I love your take on the vampire culture – very witty. I must admit, I am addicted to True Blood. It’s weird and campy but I watch it anyway!

  12. I thought that True Blood was really good the first two seasons, started to get somewhat silly in season three, but was still worth watching – and then so totally jumped the shark in season four, that I didn’t want to watch it anymore. But that’s just my humble opinion. Still glad that it came out though, and I agree that the opening credits are great and “Bad Things” is a kick ass song!

  13. You’re pro-vampire?
    My wife – VampireLover – will be sooo happy to have you onboard!

    • Oh yeah they’re awesome, I mean they live forever, they’re attractive, and they are inexplicably rich as well ever notice they live in mansions or castles?

  14. I’m not a fan of vampire movies, but Interview Wit a Vampire was good, I liked the werewolf movie Dog Soldiers myself, brilliant.


    • I’ve heard of a lot of movies since posting this all of them seem like I should check them out. I think werewolves are potentially a good genre but can go bad quick.

  15. I don’t think that zombies get enough exposure myself.

    • OH MY GOSH NO ha ha! I’m not sure where all the zombie hype came from. My guess? When Dawn of the Dead made zombies run? I mean before they walked really slow, like there was no way NOT to get away. Now they run really fast, that’s scary, and now…zombies are sensational. They happen to be a genre I liked before the hype…zombies are just freakin scary

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