WWF is the topic today. I know what you’re thinking, but no, not the World Wrestling Federation. So I apologize I won’t be writing about Macho Man Randy Savage (Ooh Yeah!). No, I am writing about the World Wildlife Fund. Specifically, species adoption as a gift.

I’ve heard it several times recently, that species adoption is being used as a gift. Let me touch on gift etiquette.  This is great for a hardcore animal lover. Of course habitat conservation is going to be appreciated by them. Now for the general population that likes animals but doesn’t feel a strong conviction about the safety of creatures all over the planet, this isn’t the best idea.

Most disappointing to me,  is you don’t get the animal you adopt. You get a certificate and a plush stuffed animal of the same species you adopt. You don’t get to meet the animal, you don’t get letters from it, and it won’t be named after you. I for one want to see a Grizzly Bear named Sheena. I have known of a Rottweiler named Sheena, close, but no first prize in my books.

I just don’t want a little slip of paper saying an animal was adopted. This isn’t a gift. Actually bringing a Great White Shark to me that has been equipped with a saddle of sorts that allows me to rule the underwater world with bloody terror is way better and effective.

Even worse is someone may pick the animal out for you. Let’s use the Sea Manatee for example. Never has nature tried so hard to phase out a species. Have you seen how slow they swim? If it’s not boat propellers, it’s going to be any other species that’s faster, smarter, and more evolved that will exterminate them all. Humans keep them around. I would be pissed if I got a Sea Manatee, the animal that is the equivalent of a human unemployed avid court television watcher that eats a box of fudgesicles daily.

I think a unicorn is more believable than this thing

I want to pick my animal and honey badger isn’t an option. Sigh. I’ll settle for an Okapi since I have no clue what the fuck that is. I saw the picture and I still don’t know.

Now, I will say that worse than someone adopting an animal for me, is probably someone adopting a child for me. Unlike animals, when you adopt people, you have to take care of them. No certificate or stuffed human plush toy. Nope, it shows up, needing to eat, and be cared for. I cannot ride a baby and rule the ocean with rows of flesh ripping teeth trained to do my bidding. Well, unless this kid’s awesome.

One more point since I am talking about animals. I am surprised PETA isn’t pissed that the internet portrays animals as borderline illiterate. I mean it makes sense that would be offensive too right? I don’t think adorable kittens should be stereotyped. I mean PETA tends to get mad at animals wearing shoes, so their phonetic challenges should incite some anger as well, we are essentially making fun of animals for being stupid? I’ll write PETA with my utter outrage.   

This blog is possible thanks to comments from a fellow blogger at Drew’s Soapbox so go there, check it out, and be impressed but please don’t stay too long. I get jealous easily.


31 responses to “WWF WTF?

  1. Awesome post! I couldn’t agree with you more! I think that adopting an animal for someone is a stupid gift … kinda like paying to name a star after someone. If you want to help the animals, and do it on my behalf, just make a cash donation. Not the most creative gift for the Average Joe but a far better use of the donated funds.

    • I think it’s so interest specific. I know ppl who just adore animals and this would be a great gift. I am a turd and I admit that I would be nice and polite…like “oh thanks….” but I would be thinking “Are you kidding?” I don’t know I would rather volunteer at the shelter I feel like that helps more…like I really did something. Oh well, I’m torn b/c I don’t like animals being driven from their homes and their little cute babies not having food. I’m shallow I suppose because I want a Kindle Fire and a new tattoo way worse!

  2. I love animals. They’re delicious.
    After seeing the Jaws picture, I just have to say:
    1. That was no boating accident.
    2. We’re gonna need a bigger boat.
    3. I’m adopting a jackalope. If you’ve ever been in a rundown country/western dive bar where 32 patrons = a full set of teeth, you’ve seen one of these fabled critters on the wall near the backbar.

    • I want to adopt Jaws. I have seen those things in Restaurants too that want to appear all fun and whacky like….ha ha. You know I am not a total vegetarian but surprisingly I rarely eat meat….I do however eat some eggs! delicious!

  3. Lol’d at shark with a saddle

  4. One day I came home and Mom had this big beef tongue boiling in a pot on the stove. It was bobbing up and down like some disgusting item from a bad Aliens movie, and making squeaky sounds. I was aghast, and exclaimed “I’ll never eat anything that came from an animals’ mouth!”

    So Mom made me some eggs.

  5. Ahahaha, if I had a baby with underwater swimming powers and rows of powerful teeth…I would name him Jaws. A legit baby. If I had a shark, I would name him/her babycakes, because that’s what it would be fed.

    Too far, too damn far, Telea. Just. Stop.
    ^ Your thoughts as you read this.
    ❤ Mylifeinheartbeats

  6. Thanks for making me laugh, Sheena. I really needed to smile/ laugh.
    This pic of Randy Savage is just so funny. I used to be a WWF fan when I was little (well just because I had to…. thank you bro!).
    Anyway, I agree with you!
    Have a nice day.

    • I’m glad I could, I love to hear that. I had a brother and he had all the WWF action figures and ring. We played wrestling with toys (and in real life but would get in trouble) all the time. Even better him and I would do the bushwacker walk when we made my sister mad!!! OH we were turds! Thanks for reading have a great day!

  7. in the 80’s when i joined you did get your own animal…i got a whale. oh well, things change. continue…

    • ha ha ha! Things have changed and become fair what with animal cruelty laws! I would sing the Micheal Jackson song from Free Willy to my pet whale every day, it would love me.

  8. How about if every time someone walks past the Okapi enclosure in the zoo, there’s an automated announcement that says: “This Okapi was brought to you by Sheena Smith.” Would that be alright?

    • Yes! I would adopt then, because I am shallow as well as vain. If they put a photo of me by a fireplace hearth in a sweater so I appear to be genuine and thoughtful I would like that too. I like your ideas. These animals are like deer with zebra legs…

  9. What about a duck-billed platypus named Sheena?

    • They have them, I like that animal. It’s like a five year devised its creation. They are poisonous too aren’t they? I vaguely remember something like that…perhaps I should be googling this? I would be down for that, especially if they are poisonous.

  10. I wish we could adopt wrestlers from WWF. After seeing Mickey Rourke in The Wrestler, some of those older guys look like they need more help than the animals do! Wouldn’t it be cool to have your breakfast made by Greg “The Hammer” Valentine and your dogs walked by “Rowdy” Roddy Piper? 🙂

    • Oh my gosh, this was the first thing I read today with my morning coffee and I literally laughed out loud! I would love to have a pro wrestler around we could spray tan each other and shop for spandex together! It would be such fun. The Wrestler was one of my favorite movies, but it makes me soooooo sad. What a great character development, I was so invested that the end had me angry “What happens!” I know what’s implied but…I have to KNOW!

  11. I’m pretty sure he dies. An interesting fact is that the Ram never loses a single time when he’s wrestling, not even when he’s playing the video game with the kid. So when they cut that to black, I took that to mean “We’re going to stop here because we don’t want to show the Ram losing a match.” I kind of like the idea of having him be undefeated. 🙂

    Now if you’ll excuse me, Brutus “The Barber” Beefcake says my coffee is ready. 🙂

    • You are so funny 🙂 I need one to do housechores for me, something tells me they will mess up my laundry. There can’t be a wrong way to wash spandex you know?

  12. “Who bleached my tights!? They’re supposed to be hot pink, not bubblegum pink!” ~Bret “The Hitman” Hart 🙂

  13. Too bad Andy Kaufman’s not around for this thread. He’d appreciate the humor in it.

  14. I am an old school wrasslin fan. Randy just passed away a few months ago.

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