He is Sofa King Cool Part 3

Last installment of falling in love upon first lustful glance. This gentleman was what one would call a “regular” at the karaoke bar, or I would rather call a “Ssssuper-stahhhh!” On most nights he can be found, entertaining the crowd, wooing them with rock anthems and piano ballads, lurking table to table so everyone present can say, “Oh fuck it’s that guy, he’s coming over say this seat is saved, fucking do it, put your purse there! fuck!”

After a couple of hours of avoiding eye contact, sitting at the very edge of the booth, and looking suddenly in the midst of intense conversation involving topical debate: transcendentalism and it’s relevancy today…perhaps. I suddenly found him increasingly more alluring.

This is close, I suppose Google did it's best?

As he fisted the air to “Du Haust” with a brutal vigor only a Viking lord could have while setting their vessels to sea, off to fight an vicious battle. I watched droplets of sweat bead , roll, and splatter about him no doubt salty, and smelling of capped, covered, and smothered hash browns. His hair the most fantastic. Shaved completely on the sides, short in front, long in back. The most modern upgrade to a mullet I have yet to see. It was well redneck emo chic? Metromullet? Mullet 2.0?

I eye fucked him all the way across the room as he stood along crowds of people who he pretended to know, while they did the opposite. He finally lurked his way to our table. He expounded upon Billy Joel and his undeniable status as the musical elite. I think he was looking at me when he said, “I’m here every Friday!” No wink necessary, I’m picking up what you’re putting down!

I type Viking Warrior and Sexy Santa Ryan Phillipe pops up WTF?

He got up to sing. His large bellied figure silhouetted by a variety of colorful light. It was as if he was a carnival of sexy dreams. He started to sing and my body came to life, as if his soul was singing to mine. He was no doubt singing a very ancient piece handed down from generations of warriors and regal figures. I didn’t recognize the tune, it had to be from his divine ancestry or perhaps it was some Randy Travis, It kinda sounded like him too….None the less his performance was breathtaking. I was left spellbound.

I want to satisfy carnal desires with this mythic beast. I want to see his performance every friday for not just my life, but eternity. Us, We, Him, Me, Together….Eternity…(whisper eternity). Thanks for reading, as always.

Side note here: I just got to my messages and I saw some really cool award nominations but synchronicity had several come in at one time…woah…nelly…so I am going to work on making mention of said awards and acknowledgement too, I’m not forgetting so much as I have been busy busy busy!


22 responses to “He is Sofa King Cool Part 3

  1. Hint: He’s only Billy Joel if the microphone smells like a beer 🙂

    • I mean he seriously rambled about the dude forever…and ever…luckily another party that was meeting us showed up…he was about to take a seat, I could feel it

  2. funny. very. continue…

  3. Admit it–you went home with him and stuffed whole wheat bread in his jar, and talked about real estate novels.
    Sure liked these three stories of missed love. Especially enjoyed the “Gay Times” pictures.
    He’s there every Friday; he could always be the one to fall back on.
    Seriously, you are frickin’ hilarious.

  4. With great mullet, comes great responsibility.

  5. No idea what to say, other than you might want to avoid karaoke bars. Just sayin.

  6. I just got reminded of this episode of Bones about competitive karaoke bar singers who flirt with the female patrons – sometimes the ones with angry biker boyfriends.

    And that thought led to a thought about Bruno Mars and the wifey’s infatuation with him… then I got sad.

    Guys who can sing piss me off hahahaha!

  7. No matter the age or the place, eye candy is always a plus. Hmmm … I wonder if that’s why I have CNN on a lot?

  8. Well you’ve given away your secret, Now all the dudes know to get in your pants… PS Du hast is pretty awesome karoake song. So are disney songs.

    • Eh, the emotion was overwhelming, I must share…blog code. Du Haust was awesome, the dude that sang it actually did a great job with the angry german accent. fun stuff. I thought about Disney…funny you say that!

  9. I like karaoke bars. They are cool. Let not these incidents befoul the proud name of karaoke bars. Duuuuu Du Haust Du Hast Mich! It could be a cool song in the right hands…. probably German hands.

    It’s also super awesome for white people to rap at karaoke bars. I’ll just let that one hang out there with all it’s ambigious sarcasm.

    I used to live in Newport News, VA. I think that place was the karaoke capital of the United States.

    • Ice Ice Baby and Baby Got Back are the two favorite white girl rap songs to butcher…yes, it’s nostalgic, but not so much when it’s done every friday and saturday right? Oh well, it’s still fun, I just like the atmosphere…no one cares how bad they sound after a couple drinks 🙂

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