Ugh, Cats….

I don’t have a fondness for cats. They can coexist with me peacefully, until they’re in my home. Cats are assholes. I cannot live with another species that has such an inflated sense of superiority. I’m bigger, smarter and  I have absolute control of their Meow Mix. It’s a power struggle. Furthermore, I spell better than cats.

*groan*

I have compiled a list of perhaps the worst cats I have ever lived with or known firsthand that probably altered my ability to love one as a pet.

Nope, definitely NOT a racist.

First, early childhood, my grandma’s cat; Beretta. A Siamese cat, and yes, named after the show. I thought this Siamese cat would be awesome because of  Lady and the Tramp’s twin Siamese cats. “We are Sia-meeese if you please…” Right? Whatever. Moving on. I was perplexed as to why this cat did not have a twin, and assumed it perhaps ate its twin. This cat was hefty. It was also a jerk. This fucking cat bit me every time I was within a 12 inch radius. I was not that dumb kid that picked cats up by the tail or pulled their ears. I would extend my hand to pet, and the cat would bite. This probably laid the foundation for my dislike of cats, and explains my inability to learn by negative reinforcement.

My Adidas are not "fresh"...fucking cat.

Fast forward to fifteen year old me. Mom brought home a kitten. My sister named it Simba (Lion King); I know, dumb name right? Well, my brother used to go knock on the front door and I would yell through the house “Oh my God, Barney and Steve from Blues Clues are here!” She fell for it every time, running to open the door as my brother and I collapsed with our overwhelming pleasure with ourselves and our funny jokes. This cat and I didn’t click from day one, maybe because I made fun of its name. It hissed and scratched at everyone…or me, yeah, mostly me. After a couple of months of obvious mutual hatred and tension, Simba decided to have a poop party in my closet. I noticed an odor and traced it to shoes and clothes I had tossed on the floor of my closet. Not only did this cat use my personal storage as it’s litter box, I know she gave me a middle finger while she did it. My favorite Adidas covered in feces. I was so in love with these shoes I was tempted to weigh the pros and cons of keeping them. Toxoplasmosis is tempting but, I had to toss them. My mother got rid of that cat. Cats are such assholes that once they ruin an area of your house with their waste…they keep doing it over and over. They aren’t picking up the scent, they’re taunting you with passive aggressive poop locations, because they can.

One dump smelled similar to this most likely.

My last cat was a charity case that my blackened heart should have known better than to do. Toby, a girl cat, my son named after a character on Thomas the Train (this show is like thirty minutes of the most boring parts of Mr. Rogers). I took her in and it didn’t go well. She loved to be recklessly loud the minute I went to sleep. She would suddenly find a hair tie the most fun thing to play with and even more fun if it’s coupled with clawing up furniture. Also fun, would be to meow at absolutely nothing  but do it continuously (yes, she was fixed).   Her poop was the most foul smell I have ever experienced. It had the potent ability to wake me from the deepest slumber. I researched, I bought expensive food, I made a valiant effort to correct this. What’s better? She loved to unleash her toxic turds every time I had sex. I can’t believe I had that boyfriend as long as I did (the smell was deal breaker worthy). Sometimes she would poop outside of the litter box, inches from the litter box. I took that personal. She had to go too.

I don’t know if cats and I will ever have a healthy relationship. I’ll continue to have the very casual relationship I have with them vicariously through other people’s ownership. It’s not my house, not my Adidas shoes, so I think that would probably be best for us both.

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270 responses to “Ugh, Cats….

  1. Cats are the only thing I’m allergic too, and for that. I’m grateful.

    They do have an amazing sense of death, though. When my dad was ill, they came nowhere near him if there were strangers in the house, even frequent visiting strangers. When he was about to die, they wouldn’t have cared if there were Rottweilers in the house – they were at his side. Spooky.

    • Awww that’s sweet though, I love it when animals bond. I think I don’t know how to pick a compatible one 🙂

    • My childhood cat Fluffy hated my Mom and she hated him. He peed on all her stuff even her side of the bed LOL but she always tolerated him because we liked him. One day he climbed a telephone pole and licked the wires and electrocuted himself and she took him to the vet and nursed him back to health. He never appreciated it because he still peed on her stuff. I now have a cat and she’s not so bad. She does her own thing and lets me pet her and tolerates my kids and even our dog so maybe we lucked out.

      • Poor kitty, that’s what I would do too, if it got hurt…but I don’t know if I could take the pee on my clothes…I mean it’s ruined! Their pee smells so bad.

  2. I’ve, pretty much, always had a cat. My current “furry little roommate” and I have been together for almost fifteen years. http://wp.me/p1se8R-2×7 He’s awesome.

    I have, however, experienced cat-related incidents like yours over the course of my lifetime. Most notably, I had to put to sleep (upon doctor’s orders) a beauitufl Burmese cat that was retired from the show ring because she began to bite my face as I slept at night.

    • Oh no, Burmese…are those the blue/green eyed white cats? I’ve had good cats too, but they’re not as funny 🙂 I had one that would use the bathroom outside and was mean to everyone but me…needless to say we got along famously. I lost her when I moved, no pets allowed. It sucked, I really took to that one,,,but since then and before nope.

  3. Burmese are so dark brown that they almost look black. Their features are very angular. Mine was beautiful to look at … until I woke up with a bloody face a couple times … then she wasn’t so pretty any more.

  4. When I was married…. FOUR FUCKING CATS… none of them were “mine”, the ex just kept bringin’ ’em home. I think the absence of cats is the second best result produced by my divorce. My daughters still tell me cat horror stories… oh yeah, you didn’t mention the hairballs puked up all over the place by the stupid things!

    • AHHHHH I cannot imagine your hell! One cat..okay more….nope. I will tolerate only so much for love, I don’t know if it could be multiple cats…nah, that’s a deal breaker!

      • I love this post! And we are cat people. And they are messy in many ways.
        Hairballs, poop on the floor, pee in the bedroom, death shitz during sex or relaxing bath time (the boxes are in my bathroom).
        We have three. One is a rescue from my daughter who could not move her in after the landlord said okay.
        Our boy cat is mean to everyone but my husband, me and my daughter (most of the time. He does hiss at and smack her from time to time.) All of our cats are front de-clawed, but believe my, the back ones and the teeth are the dangerous parts.
        My niece said it best for cats owners, two cats are better than one because, you only have about 5-7 percent more maintenance (You are already doing most of the stuff anyway) but at least 60-70% less wear and tear on you. Because they fight with each other, bite each other, play with each other and keep each other company. Which helps a bunch with behaviors like biting, scratching, hissing, etc.
        I personally have never considered cats to feel superior to me. And any of them that act foolish…i.e try to bite me, scratch or play too rough, pee and poop where they should not (for no medical reason-that happens) get the “talk”. That is where I give them to understand that I love them, the purr, the fur the softness, the kitty love. BUT, I am the Human. I get the food, I clean the litter and I can make this happy home disappear in an instant. That behavior is NOT acceptable and will not be tolerated and try me if you don’t think so. (This is done with the same voice and demeanor used when telling your kids that they will wish you had grounded them for life if they ever pull that stunt again.
        If you ever decide to try cats again, I would suggest getting two, littermates. Get two that seem to already be pals. And when you go, if possible, you should sit in a room (or area if they are outside) where the kittens can roam around you. Let them pick you out. The rapport will be much better that way. If a cat does not like the scent of a person, they will never “make up” to them. (Much like Humans and vibes.) The one that comes up, checks you out and climbs in your lap is it.
        And not getting anymore cats is also a very good and viable option if they cause too much stress. Life is supposed to feel The Best everyday. If it don’t make you feel great, DON”T Do It!! have a wonderful day and thanks for a great read! AmberLena

    • I’ve always said that I’d get rich by developing “carpet colored cat food”. Why do hairballs have to be that awful orange color?

      I’m still not rich.

  5. Your writing is hilarious! Thanks for the laughs. I have had both good and bad experiences with cats, but I own a dog.

    When a pet owner passes away, a dog may go for several days before finally resorting to eating the owner’s body. A cat, on the other hand, will only wait a day or two. Just goes to show you which is more loyal.

  6. I had a kitten when I lived in Brisbane, he was a funny one, the cheeky prick. He would grab onto my arm with his teeth and I would lift him up off the ground and walk around with him till he was lazy (And no, I did not try that till his teeth were properly grown.)

    Other than that, when I was growing up we had 6 cats, 3 dogs, 3 rabbits, 2 budgies and I am pretty sure that was all. They were all mostly well behaved though, with the exception of the occasional bite or scratch and nice smelly turd in my room through my clothes or on my drum kit.

  7. I like cats, but I’m much more of a dog person. If I was suddenly stricken with a heart attack, the dog would be very upset and might even try to get someone’s attention to help me. The cat? The cat would just make herself comfortable and watch intently, fascinated by what was happening to me…

  8. I’m with you. Cats are best experienced by watching someone else wrangling them.

  9. Your last cat obviously read one of those crap career-self-help books where everyone’s told to “think outside the box.”

  10. Cats. I no like them. Nor the musical.

  11. Suppose you die a lonely woman. And suppose you have a dog. Your dog is supposed to do that cute, loyal dog thing where he snuggles your dead body for weeks on end, howling a sad puppy howl, until somebody finally has the good fortune of finding you. He will be a sad dog for a long, long time. Perhaps forever.

    Now suppose you die a lonely woman. And suppose you have a cat. Your cat is going to eat you in less than 24 hours.

    Cats sure are neat like that.

  12. i LOVE, LOOUURRVE, CATS… the only animal in man’s history that domesticated itself. but that’s me. continue…

    • Really? Interesting 🙂 I guess I’m just a dog person? Well, more so at least.

    • I’m with you! I’ve had three cats in my adult life and they have all been very loving and companionable animals. They won’t fawn on your the way dogs will. But if you understand how to share space and presence, a cat will bond with you far more deeply than any needy canine.

      And who’s to say cats and dogs, and by extension cat and dog people, can’t get along? One of my cats, an orange tabby named Merlin, was raised by a Labrador Retriever. They both got along great. Although, I think the cat saw the dog as his adopted mommy.

      • Owww I bet that was adorable. I am a sucker for seeing animals “adopt” it’s so sweet. I must be too moody myself for a cat ha ha! That’s probably the problem!

      • Oh. I don’t think so. You just need to know how to bond with cats. It’s a little less straight forward than with dogs. But once you know, it’s not too hard.

        You’ve given me an idea for a blog. Once I’m done, I’ll post a more in-depth response here 🙂 Hope I can help!

    • Very interesting observation. I never thought about this. Yeah… 😀

  13. Cats see us as a servile species.

  14. See:

    Without cats, what would be left of the internet?

    If you haven’t already, you might wish to read this:
    http://lucysfootball.com/2012/02/10/feline-fatal-attraction-dumbcat-is-trying-to-kill-me-with-brain-parasites/
    …since you mentioned toxoplasmosis.

  15. Pingback: Alright, Who Named that Cat Boo-Boo? | A Rich, Full Life In Spite of It

  16. The duality of cats – giving them a headscratch one second longer than they wish = attack, while they continue purring.

  17. Ever since I heard that story about the woman being eaten by her cats in her apartment and found weeks later — and I’m not entirely sure if that’s urban legend or true, but it sure stuck — I have had a serious cat aversion.

    Plus, they’re just assholes. You’re right about that. 😉

  18. I enjoyed this. I thought I was the only one who didn’t like cats! I’ve never owned a cat, but our neighbours had one and it was always killing birds in our garden. Also, a friend of mine has a cat and is always covered in scratches from her cute little Tigger. Not so cute!
    It may just be me, but cats never seem friendly; dogs will come up and lick you and bark, or at least acknowledge your presence. Cats, on the other hand, sit there all smug, and at most you’ll get a yawn from them, until they want food!

  19. I’ve had nothing but wonderful cats and currently own 3 (all fixed males). My biggest, Xander, weighs in at over 20lbs. They’re all snuggle-babies and the few messes they make don’t outweigh all the awesome they are. But I can completely understand your post. I’m the same exact way with dogs, no matter how big or small. Can’t stand ’em, lol 🙂

  20. I like cats but I owned a really crazy crazy cat while I was living in NYC. I was living in a studio apartment so there was no way of locking him anywhere. Here is the story to prove how crazy he was: I was out of town for three days and I left the keys with a friend to feed him. My friend opens the door and Magick (that was his name) jumps at the poor girl’s head and claws at her face and slides down to her chest and arms scratching her! She said she filled the bowl and did not go back! BTW Magick ran away and was never found!!

  21. great post! congrats on FP! i can’t stand cats…i feel like anybody who has that distaste for them had a life-altering experience from childhood that scarred them for life. Cuz i know my hatred started when I was walking down the street at like four years old and the old cat lady down the street had like all 50 of her cats outside at once and they chased after me and scraped my knees up…pure evil…not to mention cats are the worst when they are in the middle of the street when its pitch black outside and you are driving..or they just dash in front of you with their glowing eyes at the last possible second when you have to slam your brakes…and they look at u afterwards like ha bitch i got you……yeah…they are the worst…..

  22. I am so sorry your had such b=-ad match ups with the cats in your life. I have only had 3 cats in my life. Each one has been awesome. They are quiet, they are clean, they give love, they dont tear up the furniture, and they have been steadfast companions. I think it is about finding the right cat or dog or fish or whatever that you click with. I am sorry that those bad experiences may have derailed you from something that i have found so special with my feline friends.

    • Probably not forever and I would take a sickly little stray in still, I’m not heartless 🙂 I know some of them can be sweet, and yes they are usually nice and quiet…no barking at anything and everything in the yard etc, etc, thank you for reading!

      • i had a dog and a cat growing up and i loved them both dearly. The one thing that i did not like at all about dogs is that they are so stinky!! From their fur to their breath. I dont seem to have any hygiene issues with the cats. In fact, they seem to be much cleaner all the way around than i am! thanks for the post! I love me some little fluffy critters! all of them!

  23. My cousin has the most amazing cat in the world. When he was younger, he would march up and down on the wall to stop other cats and animals from entering his territory. Now that he’s so old, he just sleeps a lot. Still so cute though…

  24. Thought I was the only one who disliked cats! I got bitten twice, once as a child (it was purring around my legs and all of a sudden it bit me?!) and the second time, almost a decade later when I was trying to make myself like cats again…bit my hand. Never again.

  25. Just to fan the flames: note they may also be indulging in casual mind control (https://thebrainbank.wordpress.com/2012/03/04/cats-on-the-brain/). Personally I can’t get enough of them, but I may be compromised…

  26. Not the Adidas’! Cute Post. I loathe cats with a passion. I am happily allergic, and for good cause. Cats and I will not be friends ever. I only pray my children do not grow up and have cats some day. Yeesh. Thanks for the laugh.

  27. I recently wrote about cats too – check this out –
    http://thefstoptake2.wordpress.com/2012/02/24/archi-cat-ture/

    Guess you arent a fan of cats then huh !?

  28. I am a die-hard Dog person turned cat lover….but no by my own will. My boyfriend got a 10 month old cat as a Valentines day suprise for me back when we were first dating. I have no idea why he though getting me a cat was a good idea…since I’m sure I vocalized many times that I hated cats and loved dogs. At any rate, I was stuck with this cat while he was at work…it just stared at me…and poked me with its little foot (which still had claws!). It didn’t respond to its name, it didn’t really have any interest in me unless I looked like I had treats….seriously I googled how long cats live for and was like “great this thing is going to live for another 18 years!”.

    Eventually I got use to it and now we coexisit. I even got a kitten (when he was 2 months old) ..he’s grown now and they get along togther. Although secretly the only reason I like them is because they act like dogs 😛 .

  29. I really get you!

    Im allergic to cats, both in a ”my eyes swell up and i start sneezing” kinda way and the ”I do not wanna get anywhere near a beast like that” personal way..

    Cats have a thing with clawing you, EVEN when you cuddle it.. And it likes it… It just claws you, just for the heck of it… What the f…? It smells, it scratches everything and males tend to smell so foul that you have to snipp’ them… Grose..

    One very awesome advice from me, buy a puppy! 😉 Their awesome, easy to train and they go OUTSIDE, yay for that.. They want to please, likes to do tricks and you can even get one the size of a cat… I have a Yorkshire Terrier called Sammi, and he is amazing. After only two weeks, he was housebroken and he knows alot of tricks by now.. Had him for about a month only. 😉

  30. Oh crap … I didn’t stop by yesterday, then pow … I spot this on FP. Although I’m a cat lover, you created a lot of laughs because I can see these events happening. So if they must be around for whatever reason, trying to coexist is a start. Good luck.

    • Yeah, I know, right? I log on and saw like a butt load of hits…and I thought “Could it be? NO! YES!” I am nice to cats, I pet and give lovein’s so I suppose I coexist…just not a fan of cohabitation

  31. I’ve always thought cats were stuck up. Don’t hate them, just prefer dogs to them – hands down.

  32. I’m not a cat lover although some of them are cute and sweet. So I definitely hear you. Great blog. Very cute 🙂

    val
    http:valentinedefrancis.wordpress.com

  33. Try being allergic…those assholes can smell an allergy a mile away. They love me more then catnip! Damn cats!

  34. hilarious 🙂 I love cats, but yeah, plenty of cats i’ve associated with have had those strange behaviour issues. My cats would build a pile of litter outside the litter box to do their business in if there was any poop already in the box. And they wouldn’t use the same box – had to be different boxes. My aunt and uncle’s cat would retribution-pee on my uncle’s pillow, and both my aunt and uncle’s chairs when they went away overnight.
    congrats on fp 🙂

  35. I’m going to start a group for those whose pain has been ignored when they have been mentally, physically, and emotionally abused by cats.

    Pawns we will be no longer.

    Resist to the end.

    To the death.

  36. Well, I’m glad I’m not a cat…that’s for sure cause if I was I’d be reading all kinds of ominous messages into this and would try in vain to hide my species origin. But, since I’m not, I believe I can tell you some cat stuff without the fear of having to atone for all cat sins before I can with authenticity…you know? First of all, I love cats but not all cats so I’ll tell a story about an encounter I had similar to yours and since so many years have elapsed and the characters involved (human) I judge, via my 20 years as a successful albeit mentally disturbed myself psychotherapist, to have sufficient ego strength to survive the exposure of the story…to wit: when I was undergrad at U-Mass Boston, studying mostly philosophy, I fell in love with a female philosophy major who was smarter than me and generally superior to me in most ways that matter to society. She was very attractive too so I knew I was asking for trouble (which I did get). So, anyway, we used to have what I thought was good sex although now I know she would throw me in front of a train for a larger penis particularlly if it was attached to a professional dancer. Her name was Virginia and yes, I did actually fall in love I think….I’m pretty sure….I’ve had time to think. So things were going swimmingly, I’d met all her family in their beautiful house in Cohasset overlooking the ocean…everything! It was kind of bliss I thought. THEN…we went to her friend’s house in Field’s Corner where she… Virginia… got a room to separate from her long term relationship she ditched to get to me… believe it or not. So, although I was outraged that she could do that to someone, she hadn’t done it yet to me so I thanked my lucky stars rather than form a group to attack such behaviors with other men. So, I forget the friend’s name…Nancy? She was manager of Boston Ballet and she was kinda cool I thought and had a nice big Victorian house. So, one day, before I discovered that Virginia was fucking Michael Job, principal dancer at that time for BB, in the next room while I was daydreaming in “ours”….before that, one day, the manager, let’s call her “Nancy”…her cat that is had shit and pissed in my whole bag of laundry I had brought to wash since the facilities were there. And this cat was so fucking nasty (it had had its’ tail amputated traumatically and I thought that was enough to explain the behavior but now think there was more). This cat stalked me as if it were under contract by Virginia to get me out of the house before I discovered who she really really liked (who dumped her like yesterday’s news btw)….point is, I still love cats and had my first baby pictures taken with one named “Pansy” cause she was calico and cute as she could be and she loved me and I bonded with catdom under her sponsorship. I adotped two “therapy” cats from the VA hospital when I worked there Sybyll and Sam…a happy couple as long as he deferred to her in all things, but by best cat of all time was a long haired Norwegian I had that I named “Spotman” for reasons I still don’t understand, who, was given to me by Karen Woods (who also left me for a bigger penis and told me so and mine is average and she was short and had an enormous ass) anyway, Spotman came to me when he was the size of a walnut and for his first 5 years he never left my 2nd floor apt. in Dorchester and used to have fun by running full speed down the hardwood floored hallway to the point where he could not make the turns but he didn’t care. His momentum also caused him to run on the walls which, i thought was so amazing I never scolded him for it even though he usually did it at 3 am…when I took the job with the VA I gave Spotman to Patrice who had a little house in WInchester…adorable….and I little yard with flower garden along the fence. So, when I brought Spotman to her house, after a two week incubation to orient, we decided the time had come for Spotman to have his very first outdoor experience. So, we opened the sliders and watched as he lifted his right front paw and then very carefully placed it down in the grass as if he were testing its’ “reality”. He found it sufficiently real and within a few seconds his other paw touched down and then, within minutes, he was lord of the entire neighborhood…it was amazing to see how he established his kingdom, plant by plant, flower by flower (which he did “smell”…no shit!!) He used to sleep in the flowers whenever he could. Then, one day, we couldn’t find him anywhere and were concerned when, standing on Patrice’s bedroom balcony, looking down into the next yard which was about 50 feet of 4 foot high wheat like grass…there, in the middle, curled up, looking up at us like a lion in the Savanah, was Spotman. He could not have been discovered from any vantage point other than the one we had and Spotman knew that….

    • I don’t know who you are. Virginia was mine and Sandy’s roommate in the big victorian in Dorchester. Virginia was a dear friend but I absolutely never slept with her. Don’t know where you got that idea, you poor dear. I’m sorry you have carried this delusional episode in your mind for the past twenty years and I think you’re kind of a shit for putting me in your little story by name. The cat’s name was “Spike” and she used to piss on people’s clothes who had incredibly small dicks.

  37. Loving your post – thanks for sharing. I had a roommate with a cat named Scratchy and his name fit – 2 am in the morning and he would be clawing at the METAL closet door. We moved into our 1st home to discover the cat that lived with the previous owners used the 2nd bedroom closet as a bathroom – the smell was in the hardwood floor, the wood trim in the closet, the closet walls just disgusting. Congrats on being FP!

  38. Until you own your own cat, who becomes like a mini you and adores you, you really can’t fully appreciate cats. I wasn’t a cat person until I adopted Sully. Sully has become the male cat version of me. He actually obeys, sleeps quietly by my while I sleep, plays by himself if I am busy and doesn’t bother me, and is so nice to my friends and family who visit. It is all owner-based. Cats adapt to their home and master. Sully was a completely different cat with his old owners (very introverted and skiddish).

  39. I wish I couldn’t relate to this but I totally can! We had a cat that used to bite my son. My husband kept insisting it was something he was doing, until one day I saw that cat get right up on the table and just lunge at him and bite. He was literally doing nothing but sitting at the table — it was definitely a problem with the cat, not the kid. We got rid of that cat, but foolishly got another. The new cat pooped all over — and I mean ALL OVER — the kids’ closet, ruining 90% of their toys. Never again, cats. Never again.

  40. Delightful post! I actually love cats, I hate people that are not responsible for them.
    My neighbors on the left, right, and back have at least ten cats each. Tried catching them, it got to the point that the Humane Society would not accept these sick felines. The neighbors keep getting more cats and refused to have them immunized or fixed.

    • 😦 Poor kitties, I don’t like them abused, heck I just don’t like litter boxes! I never understood ppl that hoard animals but I read somewhere it’s OCD manifested by keeping animals, and ppl delude themselves into thinking what they’re doing is good. I wouldn’t take strays in my home before going to the vet, lest my other cats get sick, feline AIDS comes to mind for sure!

  41. I am not allergic to cats but I use it as my go-to-excuse in everything from travelling in cars of cat people, visiting houses of cat people or eating potlluck food made by cat people.

    It goes like this:

    Cat Person: Hey Mr. Bricks can I give you ride home from work?
    Mr. Bricks: (As tempting as it maybe to climb into your 1978 Lime Green Pinto that is dripping with cat fur, cat dander, and smelling worse than the crotch of a professional athlete) Oh, geez, no thanks….I am highly allergic to cats…(so, I’ll just walk the 16 miles home from work….in the snow…..uphill…..without my boots on!)

    Great Post. Congrats on being Freshly Clawed….oops, I mean Freshly Pressed.

    Mr. Bricks

  42. OK, I love cats (have 3) but admit they can be horrible sometimes. This quick little video from Robot Chicken is a good representation of my relationship with my cats http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uqg2XxWTLYo

  43. Cats? YIk!!! I don’t mind watching my art teachers cats when she’s out of town. The reason why is because of the extra cash and the fact that they don’t go home with me. Other than that I really hate cats in general. Especially the horrible strays that have dicided to piss in my backyard to declare their territory. Orange scented cleaning spray relieves this problem. At least until it rains and I have to do it all over again.

  44. Haha cats are just the worst! I don’t understand “cat people”. I’m most definitely a dog lover

  45. I’m so sorry you’ve had such horrible experiences with cats. I love them so much and there is not a cat that I’ve met that I did not like. I cannot say the same about humans. Go get a puppy dog! I can’t live without a four-legged creature. One summer I even kept a hamster for my daughter’s teacher.

  46. Please, stop giving them the oxygen of publicity. Or any kind of oxygen. The more they are mentioned, the slower the internet runs.

  47. LOL! I guess not everybody is a cat person. I personally LOVE kitties and always have. Dogs on the other hand…not really my thing.

  48. Brilliant post. I completely agree with you. Cats are nasty little feckers. They are on my list of Things To Blog About so I will withdraw gracefully now lest I slip into an old-womanly, stick-shaking rant.

  49. What a truly refreshing post. In the UK our cat population has reached over 8 million, and with the human population presently at only 62 million. Cats have had a dramatic and devistating impact on our song birds, according to Chris Packham, a BBC wildlife spokesperson. They’re the devil’s work I tells ye.

  50. Haha I love cats but I feel that you have been cursed by some past cat haters aura and for that, you are just unfortunately cursed by the fact cats don’t like you. That is such a shame but left you with sooo many funny stories! I enjoyed reading this 🙂

  51. Reblogged this on Inspiredweightloss and commented:
    I really enjoyed your statement, Ugh, Cats and how you came straight to the point on how you feel about cats and definitely your perception of yourself in this power hungrey world, amazing!!

  52. RAGHAW SINGH TOMAR

    WHAT IS THIS ???

  53. CONGRATULATIONS SHEENA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  54. My grandma also had a feisty Siamese cat!! But I had more good cats than bad so I still like cats. 🙂

  55. I love cats, but the things you describe are the reason I don’t want them as pets!

  56. As much as I might disagree on your stance about cats, it is totally your stance. I’ve never had real good luck with dogs, not so much in the “they’re raging assholes to me” sense, but more in the they always die or run off sense, so I’ve grown sorta cold toward dogs as a result.

    Entertaining read either way and congrats on the Freshly Pressed bump!!

  57. I have a cat who is a real butthole. He lives mostly outside though and has six extra toes. If he wasn’t such a little mutant freak that was great to show off at parties, I would have told him to pack his bindle and hit the bricks long ago.

  58. We have in our home two cats. They are friendly. When we travel for short periods, we confinated them in the laundry, so they are not able to mess the entire house. But, there is a window from bathroom to laundry, and once I forgot to close it. They get access to the bath and from bath to entire house. When we are back, found my daughter’s bed covered by poop ! I remebered this because your closet episode. Ours cats, however, did not repeated the event. Glad for this.

  59. HAHAHA! I LOVED this! I literally LOL’ed out loud!

    *follow* lol

  60. As a boy I once had a bad experience with my sister’s cat, Chernobyl. It wouldn’t bite but it would swipe at me with its atom-thin razor sharp claws. It would give me these terrible fine cuts that my fingers wouldn’t even know were there until the next day. I hated cats as a species for a while after that until about five years later, when my parents brought home a little orange tabby cat who had a surprisingly approachable personality. If it wasn’t for the orange cat (Scotty) I would still hate cats to this day.

  61. Hi Sheena. This is my 2nd attempt at leaving a comment since I wasn’t signed in before. I appreciate your diplomatic style to handling comments. I didn’t find your post humorous. I found it sad. I have had cats all of my life (45 years old) and just adore cats. I have one cat currently due to landlord restrictions but he is the best cat in the world. His name is Clyde. I even wrote a post about him on my blog. Clyde has been there for me when no one else over the past 12 years. And he would definitely not eat me if I died, he would just cuddle up next to me and cry.

    • It sounds like you got a sweetie for a pet 🙂 Hey no one has to agree it’s all good, if I wanted everyone to like my blog it wouldn’t be opinionated. 🙂

  62. Woot you made freshly pressed Sheena, Congratulations!

  63. AnomalousThoughts

    Aww, I love cats. It’s sad to think someone has had such a bad experience with them.

  64. i’ve lived in apartment complexes since 1980..cats are the most annoying residents.in every apartment complex i’ve lived in(total of 13),cats have ,and still continue to,lay on top of my car at night,so thusly i find muddy paw prints as well as scratches on my hood and the top of the car.they also get in the dumpsters and rummage around for god knows how long.countless times i’ve thrown trash in the dumpster and been startled by a cat jumping out of it like a bolt of lightning.cats must attract evil spirits.in at least half the places i’ve lived in,the problem of a cat or cats hanging right at my doorstep all hours of the night,either meowing or just silenly hanging.and of course this drives my dog nuts everytime we leave and,or come home./ i can’t count the times i’ve almost been dragged a hundred feet cuz of some damned car taunting my dog.my dog only weighs 30 pounds but he’s a jack russell and is strong,yet rather small/the cats i’ve had problems with were always cats ownrd by current (at the time) tenants.three nights ago i filled an empty windex bottle with water as i have to spray some ugly..seriously…really ugly…cat that sits outside my door all ours of the night.i’m a night person..retired living in a retirement community.this cat belongs to a neighbor.yet it sits at my door,on my front patio. all night.i’m in and out several times a night .the wee hours of 2 and 3am even ..i have to chase this feline with my windox bottle every night as i leave and come home/i will never acquire a desire to own a cat..if i do,shoot me please . .

  65. I hear ya! I have 4 cats and I really only like 1 of them…

  66. The first time that I got it
    I was just ten years old
    I got it from some kitty next foor
    I went and see the Dr. and
    He gave me the cure
    I think I got it some more
    They give me cat scratch fever

  67. Sorry you’ve had such bad experiences with cats. I have 2 (pictures are on my blog) and have no litter box (thank goodness) They got use to going outside when they were little and they wake me if they need to go in the middle of the night. They have NEVER left me any little calling cards any where in my house. Of course it helps that I live in the country. Love your blog!!!.

  68. Congratulations are in order even from the Crazy Cat Lady herself! This is further proof that I have really great taste in the blogs I read and love. It is so well deserved.

  69. Not a cat fan myself either. They don’t play with you and they don’t like you to touch them.

  70. Cats tend not to like my company either – I enjoyed the post!! 🙂

  71. I’m of the same mind that you are with cats. They’re just too smug for their own good. Anything that shits potentially harmful (which it is) shit in a box, shouldn’t be a pet.

  72. I absolutely adore cats, AND I absolutely love this post!! I have actually asked myself why I like those snooty furballs so much. The cat that has currently taken over my house is moody, loud, impatient, violent, demanding, destructive……soft, cute, has precious curled whiskers and sweet wittle paws….Aaaahhh! What is wrong with me?

    Really, this was so fun to read; I laughed the entire time I was reading. As a cat lover, I can confirm that everything you said about cats is true. 🙂

  73. Oh cats! I used to like cats better than dogs when I was younger, because dogs used to terrify me when I was little. Mostly because I did not like them jumping up on me, but I think that makes sense when you are shorter than the dog! Cats were more chill and laidback and did not jump.

    However once I got past my fear of dogs, I realized they were more fun. I have a dog now and I cannot imagine owning a cat. I’ve blogged about our crazy neighbors’ cat which managed to break into our apartment… they are too intelligent for their own good!

  74. I have taken care cats since I was 5. Yes… cats sometime are burdensome. But I like cats even though they bite me lightly or hardly. The point of taking care of cats is passion. Cat can see human’s aura and have an alert system in their instinct if someone hate them. They will hiss, scratch, bite to pain if they feel insecure. If cats bite you until you’re bleeding, forgive them then calm them down. Cats feel so afraid of human because they know that we are powerful than them, we can kill them with guns or just beheaded them with ax. But what can cats do to human? They can’t kill us…Thus, this is the reason cats scared to human.

    i can train cats to poop on their litter box in 3 weeks by spending 12 hours of my time… may be it sounds silly to you, but i feel all my effort worth it. my cat, poring, doesn’t like to poop anywhere beside his litter box and really keep himself clean. i train him to bite people who hurt him, it makes him tougher than other cats. i even train him to understand English…. well, you have your point of view about cats and i have no right to hate people who talk bad about cats… i just want to share that… there’s a different side of cat you haven’t seen…

    For me… the more they bite me.. the more I love them… Hate it or like it, I don’t care… because people have right to have their voice about this. 🙂

  75. As a cat-obsessed person (not with all cats, just my cat and my previous cats), I was sad to read this post! I was all “Ooohh I am going to analyze all the sad sad reasons these cats behaved badly” but you don’t want to hear that shit so I won’t say it. I just want to say that despite your professed distaste for cats, I think it’s great that you still took Toby in. It sounds like she does a lot of things that my cat (Tony… coincidence??? yeah.) does. Especially the meowing at nothing. It drives me insane. You’d definitely have to be a cat lover to put up with that! But he makes up for it when he rolls over for belly rubs and trots around the house following me because he thinks I am the Queen. 🙂 Kudos to you for trying as hard as you did with Toby. If by some weird chance you *are* interested in some of the health or behavioral reasons your cats might have behaved the way they did, drop me a line – I read way too much and therefore now know too many useless things.

    • I have an idea what was wrong with poor Toby, I was in school and working. This is really why I gave her away she didn’t have a lot of bonding time with me. I will always take a homeless kitty until someone can take care of it, I don’t like to keep pets, but I don’t like animals to suffer. So I’ll take them in until someone else can.

  76. I love cats but found your blog strangely entertaining. Of course the first cat experience colored all the others. Siamese cats are known to be assholes and only to like one person. So there you go.

    • Yeah she was sooooo low key, and I heard later they don’t like kids. I actually think that’s kind of cool that a pet only likes it’s owner, just not with kids around ya know? I prefer the kid friendly type :). They are beautiful, I cannot overstate that those blue eyes… gorgeous.

  77. Everyone cat that I have ever known has been an asshole. They are sick sadistic creatures.

  78. Not a fan of cats either, and I saw one in the weirdest situation today… http://thenextlapp.com/2012/03/15/random-things-ive-seen-cat-as-a-hat/

    I had to share. Too relevant!

  79. I couldn’t agree with you more! and squirrels?? Don’t get me started.

  80. I definitely couldn’t put up with someone that needed constant attention, sat on my laptop when trying to do work and screamed at me for food… So I’m not really sure why I like my cat.

  81. I completely agree with you. As the owner of a tiny dog (she’s an 8.5 lb. Italian Greyhound) I get so offended when I’m apartment hunting and find out that CATS are allowed but dogs aren’t. WTF? My dog is better trained than 99% of the cats out there. She’s cleaner, guaranteed even though she’s indoor and outdoor trained. (Never get an IG in the Fall if you don’t want to indoor train them.)

    Cats are fine as long as they’re someone else’s responsibility.

  82. Wow lots of reaction to this post. My reaction … yes I am allergic too. Poor kitties.

  83. Yah you see though even those disney siamese were evil and plotting to hurt things and blame the dog! I’m a dog person who happens to have 2 cats, I started getting them in college when I didn’t have a place that allowed dogs and have been through just about everything you mentioned! Now in his old age, my one cat is pleasant – besides wanting to mate with all my kids’ stuffed animals – and the NEW one (ugh!) is just ditzy! Great post!

  84. Great article. I am also a hater of cats. I had one when I was a kid, it scratched the shit out of my face, I have hated the little shits ever since.

  85. That’s awesome. A well told tale! Congratz on FP!

  86. I don’t know where I belong. I love cats, I think they’re adorable. But I also think they’re too nasty and funky to live with. Their stuff smells horrible. Great post!

  87. Have you ever noticed that when cat people are defending their cat to normal…er, non-cat people they always say, “You’ll like my cat. May cat isn’t like other cats, he’s cat’s more like a dog.” What’s up with that? If you want to know what it’s like to have a dog, then get a dog. No dog person ever likens their dog to a cat, they liken them to children.

    • I can only assume no litter box, this means a super awesome cat if it goes outside or in the toilet (I’ve seen the training devices at the pet store)…oh and not jumping and licking…perhaps I can breed and cat dog animal of sorts that’s all pro…no con lol

  88. loved it! 😀 and being repulsive to cats even I agree with it!

  89. I’m allergic to both cats and dogs. I grew up with a cat, and i liked them when i was little, but now that i’m older i think they are overrated. Dogs are just as gross. I really cant understand why anyone would want a dog or a cat.

  90. Sheena,

    Bill and I just saw you on freshly pressed and wanted to say congrats on being pressed freshly.

    Also, Bill absolutely *loves* cats but is horribly allergic to them. I love other people’s cats, as long as I don’t have to live with them, take care of them, or tolerate them for long periods of time. Which makes Bill’s allergy very fortuitous for our marriage. He would adopt every kitty ever if his nose could take it, and I would have to invest in “lost animal” posters.

    There was a cat I lived with via roommate that I didn’t have to clean up after, that didn’t pester me for anything. It would curl up at my feet when I read. It didn’t claw my furniture. It was a chill cat. THAT cat I liked. But the one that tore up my favorite couch and bit me? Fuck that cat.

    Anyway, congrats.

  91. Congratulations are in order even from the Crazy Cat Lady herself! This is further proof that I have really great taste in the blogs I read and love. It is so well deserved.

  92. oh dear! That litter box sure needs some cleaning, I mean it’s not the cat’s fault 😛

  93. I like cat -but just that -no intentions whatsoever to keep one , my SIL and BIL are obsessed with cats -and live with almost twenty? of them until recently been asked by the authorities to take them away or move out from their flats (probably due to complaints from neighbours).

    anyway cats are cute animal.

    • Oh they are cute I cannot deny that! 20? holy cow, that’s hoarding 🙂 Some people just love them that much, it’s good if they’re taking care of bc of strays…even I can’t resist a stray but I find homes I don’t keep.

  94. I have the lowest maintenance cat of all. His name is Jett and so handsome. He is black and white in colour and he always looks like he’s wearing a tuxedo ready for the oscars haha… I’ve taught him how to sit and talk (meow) on command. Very intelligent aussie cat lol

    I think your likes and dislikes on cats/dogs depends on your childhood memories and experiences with those animals. For me personally, i love them all but i lean most towards cats. Just adore them! But then again i’ve only had good experiences with cats. I love their independence. They have their own lives. They don’t ‘need’ you.

    Thanks for the laugh! You’re a great writer!

    • Thanks, yeah cats are cool when you want to be calm, I like that about them for sure. I like going on walks so I think that’s why I love how active dogs are. I still love animals just not a big owner, but I have an itty bitty apt..so I think if I had a yard I would feel different.

  95. OMG you got Freshly Pressed!!! Congratulations!! I just randomly went to the tab, and right there at the top…I was like, OMG I KNOW WHO SHE IS!!!

    I don’t like cats, either….and I HAVE one.

    • I know, I always get so excited when I see someone I know too, I wasn’t expecting it for sure when I logged on and suddenly there were like so many views…holy cow. Thank you 🙂

  96. ps: he poos and pees outside. I have no idea where but it’s not anywhere near the house. I’m one of the lucky ones. I’ve trained him like a dog. lol

  97. It sucks that you’ve had such bad experiences with cats. I don’t own them myself, but I’ve visited friends who’ve kept cats for quite a while. Perhaps I just have an affinity towards animals, because all the cats that I’ve “met” so far have either wrapped themselves around my legs, purred, and allowed me to pet them, or have warned me away with a slight hiss (no scratching) and then running away.

    Dogs, well, dogs have done the same thing. I think it’s because I approach animals really carefully. I get to their level (kneel down or even lie down), hold my hand up in front of them, and let them sniff my hand. If they sniff my hand and lick it, it means that they love me. If they sniff my hand and turn away, it means that they don’t mind me petting them and all. If they sniff at my hand and hiss or back up, it means that they don’t want me near them.

    Both cats and dogs follow this behavior, haha. It helps if you eat something using your hands (ex: chocolate), wash it off, and then let them sniff your hand. They’ll be more likely to snuggle up to you.

  98. Wow you had some nightmare experience. I think cats can sense if they are not welcome. I have had cats around my all my life. I don’t think I had such encounters like this.

  99. Hysterically purr-fect post, even to me–a lover of cats!
    Kathy

  100. Pingback: Ugh, Cats…. | slopestreetcats.com

  101. I love cats, personally, but they definitely have a mind of their own and do not take to everyone. You’re just not a cat person, lol.

  102. HEHEHEHEHE!……I also love cats but sometimes I feel disgusted with cats :)…Cool blog, Sheena! Please visit my blog ;)…

  103. I had a really big three legged cat when I was about 5 years old, each time he saw me he tried to maim me. Therefore, I hate cats! Good read!

  104. quite hilarious 🙂

  105. Hey I enjoyed your blog very whitty 🙂
    I have a distrust of cats they have a wary look that always suggest that they don’t quite trust you. Plus my cat only ever seems to appear when hungry. Though I do have a soft spot for him as he entertains me while a dangle magical moving objects infront of him! 🙂

  106. But me and Larten… we love cats!

  107. To say I was reticent about getting a pet would be a massive understatement, but when my fiancée’s best friend’s cat had kittens and, with her 40th birthday coming up – well, I was always going to be fighting a losing battle. Still, I held out for as many sexual favours as I could get and reluctantly agreed.
    Now, Jasmine the Cat is nearly a year old and we are inseparable. She follows me around the house like a puppy. I work from home and I seem to be the constant in her life. She demonstrates that catlike antipathy towards everyone else in the house, including my fiancée who is accusing me of ‘stealing’ her birthday present! The kids love her and I have earned copious amounts of brownie points for being so accommodating.
    And no litter issues.
    Result!
    Great post.
    P.S. May I suggest you follow ‘The Fucking Cat’… it’s hysterical.
    @TheFuckingCat

  108. I’m one of those bizarre people who love both cats and dogs (3 large dogs, 3 cats, and the 13 year old, 5# all black cat rules them all.) I admit I didn’t much appreciate cats until I realized they live on their own terms- and they’re cool if they befriend you. Our cats are so mellow they sleep on the dogs.

    I feel you on the litter box thing though. I have to keep the boxes in the basement and clean them often. The dogs can’t get down there (there’s a small cat-sized hole in the basement door) otherwise, as dogs will do, they would eat all the cat droppings (cat poo=dog candy- no dog can resist it) which is gross, gross, gross!

  109. I too don’t like cats and once got very sick from a litter box. Was at a home and someone didn’t clean the box. The smell damn near killed me.

  110. I’ve been away for a while, so this morning when I decided to check up on wordpress I was pleasantly surprised that the first thing I seen was that you had been freshly pressed. 🙂 Congratulations!!!! (Oh, and down with cats!)

  111. So happy for you Sheena! Yer blowin up! Meow…

  112. I’m so glad I’m allergic to cats. I hate them. I refuse to let my life be dictated by some animal. My wife was watching “House Hunters” one day, and these morons were turning down perfectly good, nice homes because they ‘lacked a view’ for their cat. Your cat is your prisoner, asshole, why tease it with a nice view of open meadows he will never play in?
    I’ve been to friends houses before and been yelled at. “Don’t leave the door open! The Cat!” or “We have to keep this door closed because of the cat”. Really, so that one room is always stuffy and shut off because of a twelve pound animal? I have a solution.
    Cats suck. Long live allergies.

  113. Oh gawd, agreed: I don’t like cats either… I don’t even like them in other people’s homes. It’s horrific to visit someone and watch their cat walk with their dirty paws all over the kitchen counters and the tabletops – where I’m then expected to eat or drink something. And they sense it when you don’t like them, and come straight for you. Gorram cats, I tell ya.

  114. I am very much on your side! I strongly believe my sister’s cat-from-hell is the source of my dislike for cats. Sure, I’ll coexist with a cat when I’m at the house of a feline-loving friend, but I prefer not to touch it at risk that it does what my sister’s cat would always do to me: suddenly bite at or swat my hand with its heinous claws. Apparently my sister’s cat loved me when I was an infant and would “guard” my crib. When I got old enough to try to pet her or try to play with her, things turned for the worse… and I have the scars to prove it!

  115. This post had me laughing out loud. I have not had good experiences with cats either. My grandmother’s cat used to hide under the bed and if you went to look for something under the bed it would be there, waiting, and it would scratch and attach itself to your face!!! To give it some credit, it was a rescue cat and had been abused, but still it was a pretty awful creature. Good post. And very relatable, at least for me!

  116. Sorry for the ordeals with cats. May be you should try keeping a dog or fish. I wish you all the best

  117. My family didn’t like cats either…Until one took over our house :/ He came from an abusive family around the corner so we took pity and started feeding it. Mistake number one! Now he lives with us. He likes to sit on really weird things though like to my little brothers homework and they keyboard of my laptop. I don’t understand cats.

  118. Oh God, I am definitely a dog person and I HATE felines!!! I live in Israel where they litter the fucking streets, being their annoying feisty rabid selves. I am a dog lover and a part-time dog walker, and it happened several times, where I would walk the dogs in a lovely neighborhood downtown, minding my own business and the dogs minding theirs, and out of nowhere, a cat would jump on the dogs and attack them. Makes me so angry, I just want to let go of the leash and let the dogs have their way with the cat.
    Congrats on being freshly pressed!

  119. Saya mencintai dan menyayangi kucing , seperti anak dan keluarga. Saya mempunyai sepasang yang laki bernama Vicky dan yang wanita Fluffy. Mereka sangat manja dan tidak cerewet.

  120. Finally someone else who hates cats! I’m more of a dog person. If cats had no teeth or claws or bladders or shitters I’m sure we’d get along fine. My friends cat insists on attacking my feet. Bastard cats.

  121. Congratulations on getting freshly pressed girl! Your blog deserves it! 🙂

  122. absolutely freaking hilarious. Congrats.

  123. I’m just not an indoor animal person. From kitty litter small, to HAIR, to everything else that can happen with indoor pets that creates that SMELL (non-indoor pet people know what I’m talking about), to being afraid to take your shoes off inside. It was a battle for me when I was having roommates who wanted pets (even house we never leased a place that would allow them). I allowed them turtles and snakes which would stay in their respective homes, but nothing that would leave fur all over the place.

    Fortunately for me I’m now married to someone with allergies. So it gives us a good excuse not to stay somewhere too long that smells of dog urine and the cat’s toilet.

  124. Haha… Well, yeah, cats are assholes. But I have a theory that a lot of people don’t like cats because they want a “pet” without a mind of it’s own. I have actual heard ppl talk about how a dog will greet you when you come home, etc, etc. Yup, sounds to me like they want a subservient slipper-bringer. I have 3 cats and they ARE assholes sometimes. I won’t lie. They each have their own distinct personalities. Chloe, the Bengal, is loud (really loud for a tiny kitty) and obstinate. If you ‘raise’ your voice to her, she yells back.
    Methos is my cat-dog. He’s like 14 lbs of big kitty lovableness…but he wants love at all the most inappropriate times, (which may explain to you why he ended up with contraceptive foam on his head one time?)
    And Evangeline is just… Evangeline.
    They [piss me off a ton more now that I am a mama and have an actual child to take care of instead of three furry creatures that act like children. But I will say, even ppl that don’t like cats will like at least ONE of mine. (Even my father in law asks after “his boy” now when he calls.)
    Hope you meet some better cats! Cheers!

    • Yeah you have a point, I like animals with personality, I don’t like destructive animals though I know it’s a behavioral thing related to something else. I had a cat once that loved water, and he would run to see the toilet flush, he was great, really, we moved and gave him to a very lonely older lady, she loved him to death, it was so sweet.

  125. Yeap, I think it’s too much too..wonder how one can live with so many cats around. Pretty unhygienic too.

  126. Personally, owning 5 cats, my other half and I really do not have a problem with them. THEY have a problem with US! We’re taking up their space. You know, the sofa, bed, recliner, etc.

  127. I’m a cat-person which goes to say I totally love them despite their god-like attitude. Your blog is hilarious. Those were silly cats but I still love them! I’m wondering if you love dogs instead! 🙂

  128. Dogs, cats … just be glad you don’t have a family member who goes around with a T-Shirt proclaiming “Ask Me About Herpetology!” and keeps several caged pets content with insects, mice, and occasional road trips in a pillowcase stuffed under her jacket to keep them warm … and then there’s her tale of operating on a boa constrictor to remove a goiter.

  129. Love this post! I can so realate!! Thanks for sharing and congrats on being freshly pressed! Off to read more of your posts 😉

  130. awww.. I love cats… they can do sarcasm without even speaking..
    I have a big fat ginger cat who sleeps on my bed while I’m away (and usually throws up on it =/) but I still love him

  131. This was hilarious to read. I admit I am a big animal person, and growing up we always had cats, most of which I brought home too. We had this one cat, Sylvester. If you can guess he was black and white, but with the weight of Garfield. This cat got up to 25lbs! He was more like a dog than a cat. If I could pick out a temperament or personality for a cat, I’d choose his! He could spend days outside(and often did) and would hunt in the field out our backyard. He could catch the usual, mice, gophers, birds, but was also known to take out rabbits & hummingbirds. He would play with our neighbors dog. They would chase each other around the tree over and over again, take a rest, then switch up the direction. He suffered typical childhood abuse from me and never once did I get hurt( you know the whole carrying him everywhere, trying to dress him up, etc.). When it was bed time, he would meow, and walk to the bed and wait there. Oh & if he needed water, he drank it out of the toilet too! He was so easy going and such an awesome cat. He wasn’t afraid of anything, nor was he mean in any way. I miss this cat, we put him down a while ago at the age of 17 years. If you ever find yourself with a cat again, I hope you find one like my Sylvester! You would never look back on the decision!

  132. sorry you had such a bad experience with cats. I had one named Xena (like the warrior princess… yeah), and she would meow if I didn’t let her in the bedroom to sleep at night. This did not sit well with my new fiance. After two nights of her howling at the door he packed her up and gave her away. She did puke alot too. Damn hairballs. Now we are “dog people”, or more specifically “Boston Terrier” people!

  133. You got “Pressed!”.

    CONGRATULATIONS!!!

  134. Please don’t get any more cats. Getting pets and then getting rid of them sucks. Just like with children, ya gotta take the bad with the good or you just don’t bring one into your life.

    • Nope, they “crash” meaning I will give temporary home if needed, I’m a charity pet owner more than anything. I can’t stand the thought of them dying, so I have a heart be it blackened a little, I have one. You’re right though, they need more patient owners than me 🙂

  135. No Talking Required

    Haha, funny post! I’m a cat person with two unique felines who greet me when I come home, snuggle with me when I sleep and put on shows.

  136. I had a wonderful cat once. Once.

  137. OMG, I absolutely love your blog!! I am not really an dog person, so i was actually pretty enthralled by your humor and writing.
    -EC

    Follow me on twitter https://twitter.com/#!/eyhdoncavallari and check out my blog on word press http://cavidbehaviour.wordpress.com

  138. You seem to let go of pets very easily. Hope you don’t have any children. 🙂

    • Hardy har har, I think kids are different, no one will take them at a shelter, I JOKE. I have a kid and Toby was terrified of him and she would scratch him…I don’t tolerate animals being mean to my kiddo. I think I’ll keep my son, he doesn’t pee on my stuff or poop on the floor 🙂

      • Never had a child arrive house broken. What luck! 🙂
        But, for the love of pets, don’t adopt any more!
        Interesting (though somewhat twisted) perspective, nonetheless. 😉

  139. i do understand how some people don’t get along with cats. it’s a mutual thing between the person and the cat- it’s like when two people don’t get along… then again, that’s why cats are so cool, they have really developed personalities, and won’t care if you don’t like them 🙂

    i have 3 cats, and they are the sweetest ever 🙂

  140. Reblogged this on Pretty Old and Rusty and commented:
    I don’t like cats either. They’re whiny and vicious. I haven’t had as much experience as this lady though.. and I thank the spirits for that!

  141. I love cats, but this was pretty funny haha.

  142. Wow I was thinking of this today, my room-mate’s cat has been continually pooping in our bathtub. When my room-mate’s are not in the house, the cat tries to be nice, and to be my friend, but once they arrive she runs quickly away from me like I never existed. Every time I try to pet her in front of her owner she runs away, only to be nice when she has nobody to give her attention. Cats are fuckers!! They dont appreciate any kind of attention you give them, are only nice when they want to be, and shit where you don’t want them too. And my cat’s shit happens to reek as well, I feel for you, thanks for that post, It feels great to get all this agression out that I have for these creatures. All animosity aside, I can enjoy cats, but for the most part they are just little devils!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  143. Wow… So the FP orgy rages on. Something else, huh Sheena? I sped read through most of the comments and couldn’t believe a few of the A-holes who made negative comparisons of your dislike of cats and how you care for your children. I gotta hand it to ya, Sheena – you handled these “people” with more grace and diplomacy and I might have. Seems that some folks here have cats confused with sacred cows, and they should just mooo-ve on outta here.

    But back to the positive side of things… FP finally got it right with picking you, and I hope you’re enjoying the experience. 🙂

    • Well, ya know, it’s whatever, I don’t get mad when I put my opinions out there for interpretation. I get mad at times but then I’m like hey, this is the forum for criticism! So, I blow it off, answer whit whatever and it’s all good to me. I do however, really love the ppl that follow, and ppl that regularly comment with encouragement to keep writng b/c let’s face it, it keeps me writing. When no one, I mean it no one was reading my blog I hardly posted. I got two followers one day and a comment…and I wrote a post. Then a couple more pop up and I have been writng diligently ever since 🙂 So those comments encourage me and even the mean ones let me know that I am keeping true to my target audience that likes what I do, and my directions I take silly to very serious. Thanks again 🙂

  144. Hahahhahahaha! This post made my night, I am a cat lover. Well SOME cats. I have a cat that is amazing, but my sisters cat I swear is plotting to kill me. He will get right behind me on the couch and just glare at the back of my head, and of course he’ll bite at me when I try to pet him.

    • I should add the the Stephen King stories involving cats..Pet Semetary and the one the wad on Tales From the Darkside as well as Poe’s the Black Cst also ruined me. Thanks. Cats are adorable, but some are evil!

  145. A little busy here today.

  146. I recommend fixed male cats. Not all of them are great, but I have had a few that I don’t hate too much. I actually wrote a whole blog about why I’m a cat person. Mostly that you don’t really have to put a lot of effort into keeping them alive.

  147. I guess some people just aren’t cat people? Very funny post.

    But I love cats, and I’ve almost always had one. Almost seven years ago, I took in two cats, both about two years old, and they are the most perfect cats ever. Baby (a Siamese mix) doesn’t really like women, but she’ll tolerate them. She hates kids, though, unless they leave her alone. She loves me, but my husband is her human. The other cat, Baby Kitty (we did not name them!), is a tortoiseshell tabby mix with white paws and a white belly, and the prettiest green eyes I’ve ever seen. She’s a bit skittish, but gets along great with other animals, plays fetch, and has decided she likes cuddling with me. I’m completely her human.

    I guess because I’ve had nothing but good experiences with cats, I love them and they love me. I have yet to ever really have problems with cats defecating or urinating outside the litterbox, or attacking for no reason. Now rabbits on the other hand… *shudders* I hate rabbits with a passion. Hate them. And frogs.

  148. I think you got off pretty easy on this post. If the subject had been anti-dog, you would have had flame wars. This just proves the civility of cat people. The subject of my current post is my cat Peoples. Peoples masturbating: nice little voice over provided by Werner Herzog.

  149. I agree. Cats are the bane of my existence and I’m convinced that all they do all day is sit and think about ways to annihilate everything. Awful awful creatures.

  150. I love cats! Even though they make me sneeze. I’m totally sympathetic to your bad experiences though.

  151. I usually don’t get along with people who don’t like cats. I find that those kind of people want living furniture, or a living toy, or some pet that makes them feel good even if they really don’t deserve it. I like cats because they are honest, they don’t just stroke your ego or let you touch them for no good reason. How would you react if someone came along and started smearing their grubby hand all over you? You have to earn a cat’s trust. My cats are my room mates, we have a mutual understanding: I house and feed them, and they keep the pests low and my spirits high. Perhaps you deserved having your shoes pooped on if material things have more value than independent creatures. But to be fare, I can’t stand dogs, they are stupid and annoying, and just remind me too much of people who keep yapping on, making noise, seeking attention and constant approval regardless of whether they’re have any worth. Still, I like people who like animals (even dogs) 100% more than people who don’t like animals at all. I think it says something about a person’s ability to cohabitate with other life forms (my two cents – please keep the change).

  152. Too funny…and cats are definitely no dogs, but some of them can be kinda cool.

  153. I can’t stand cats!

  154. I hate cats. Dogs aren’t “needy,” as someone said. Dogs want to be a member of the family. Dogs are social animals. Dogs have jobs. Dogs help blind people, deaf people, handicapped people. Dogs go to war. Dogs rescue people. Dogs are always happy to see the people they love. Dogs, in short, rock.

    Cats, on the other hand, are evil. It’s always all about them. It makes me laugh whenever someone says “you’d love my cat — s/he’s very doglike.” Well, then, to them I say “why bother to have a cat that is doglike? Why don’t you just get a dog?” They never have an answer to that.

  155. Haha! Oh my goodness you’ve had a bad time with cats! I can’t say I ever have, but my dad and husband hate them. They are quite selfish animals, and sadly seem to be the preserve of older ladies who have been let down by men (anyone else noticed that?!).
    For me it’s reptiles all the way, though I still love my childhood cat who’s quite an old lady now, and just brilliant when she slaps my sisters chihuahua round the face (always deserved).

  156. I love cats, but there is definitely an element of masochism to cat ownership. cocky b*****ds

    • I love this blow up doll pic ha ha ha! Yeah perhaps that’s it 🙂 I am too much like a cat to own a cat I think…maybe that’s it. I am so moody myself, I just need a happy goofy old dog. I fare better with happy go lucky men too…yep that’s it

  157. @ Walt, I have a similar view which I expressed to Sheena earlier, at least insomuch that it seems silly to me that a lot of people do not like cats because they don’t like “independent”.
    @ Julie If you asked ME that question (as one of my three cats IS like a dog) I would say “I I said that’s why YOU would like him. I like him because he is a cat AND because he is like a dog. I love him because he is him. I love most animals.
    HAHa…who would have known this subject could be as divisive as politics? LOL

  158. Sinister Dreams

    I love my kitties, they do get rowdy, and we did have the “spaying” problem before we got them fixed, but other than that cats are great. They always sit on our laps, and cuddle up next to us. They are so sweet! What you say is true of some cats though LOL

  159. Lord, Sheena. Look atchoo!

    Way to win over the world here. 😉

    Anyway, I too hate cats. However, I recently had one to adopt me, and I kind of let her stay here.

    And I feed her too. And pet her sometimes. And she sleeps in my bed.

    But I really, really do friggin’ hate cats.

  160. Cats are very annoying and I’m pretty sure they have a secret plot to rule the world………..just saying.
    bloggeroutcast.blogspot.com/

  161. @ Dinkerson~ uh huh, uh huh… they grow on you like fuzzy little tumors…

  162. lol your post is very funny, couldn’t stop giggling but I must admit I’m a cat lover through and through! 🙂

  163. Reblogged this on That Girl Named Naima and commented:
    This is absolutely hilarious!!! Will written!

  164. Another thing with cats is that “people don’t adopt cats, cats adopt people”. My friend had a cat coming in his garden. It lived at a house down the street, but it didn’t like its home, and spent most of its time around my friend’s garden.

    If cats don’t like their home, they will go and find another one.

    • These are only bad experiences, I’ve had a couple good cats that didn’t poop on my things, and I genuinely liked. I just happen to like dogs a little better.

  165. Wow…I wish my blog was this popular/cool/funny. Siiigh. Nicely done. You’ve earned your 3439285th follower.

  166. Oh my gawd, FP’d I see! Well congrats 😀 As for cat’s…some may be cute. But I can’t stand them, literally. I’d probably die from my allergies of cats. Oh god, toxoplasmosis…no thank you!!

  167. My aunt had a Siamese cat. Name was Pookie, and had the same disposition as the one you knew. What. A. Fucker. Let’s face it. Cats are here for the food.

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