Mid-life Androgyny: A Phenomenon In Aging

Recently, I saw a very puzzling man at my bank’s drive-through service. He was sitting in the passenger seat of the car next to me. I noticed that upon first glance we was not distinctly male. His feathered coif fashioned to the liking of amateur detective Jessica Fletcher made him look, well, androgynous.

What I have observed is Mid-Life Androgyny. I capitalized that because it seems pretty official if I do that, like a scientist named it. We all know science makes shit legitimized. For example:

Performance Enhancing Drugs Enhance Performance (Mind= Blown)

You can’t argue with these guys their smart, Pluto is not a planet, Boom. Dinosaurs are dead, Fact. I set up some beakers and a bunsen burner in my bedroom laboratory, I’ll report back to the blogging community with how smart I’ve become, the studies I conduct and the fascinating conclusions I make.

Mid-Life Androgyny is a naturally occurring phenomenon closely associated with aging. This is the point in one’s life where their appearance either remains gender specific or becomes more nebulous. This is where men and women alike appear suddenly to be interchangeably male or female as they reach middle-aged status.

Okay so for example:

Janet Reno.

Right now, I think Janet looks like one of the guys who were responsible for helping to pioneer Microsoft programming in the eighties. Adversely, I found a picture of Janet in her youth, and obviously a woman.

This is not an isolated incident, there are others. There are men, that start to look like women as they age

 

What a MILF. Right? I would expect to find this guy at Kirklands before I would expect to see him on stage gyrating on a microphone stand covered in scarves in front of thousands. He rocked the “Rachael” long before Friends was a show but he was clearly a male at one time.

Smoking two cigarettes? Double Cool. Lastly there are women who get so much reconstructive and plastic surgery that they take on a transgender appearance.

She looks like an effeminate man, she looks like Steven Tyler who adversely looks like a rode hard lady that prowls dive bars, fighting the savage loneliness of multiple divorces, and too much High Life. Yet another example:

Donatella Versace before and after right?  Whereas I would have bet this woman used to be this guy:

Yep, Coach reference for your ass, younger readers, go ahead and Google “Bill Fagerbakke” because I wouldn’t tell you to watch the show.

I’m going to prepare a hypothesis, and look through a microscope at cool things. I need to know what makes this happen. Obviously, plastic surgery is elective but what makes a middle-age man start to look like a woman and opposite, a woman look like a man? Will this happen to me? If I have to look like a dude, can I look like a hot dude? I’m not opposed to be being a total stud. You know, rolling knee-deep in bitches at the Pampered Chef party. I high-fived myself ya’ll.

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68 responses to “Mid-life Androgyny: A Phenomenon In Aging

  1. As someone in the midst of “mid-life,” I have to look in the mirror with disdain as I witness myself slowly morphing into Rodney Dangerfield. (may God rest his soul.)

  2. F’ing hilarious, and so true!

  3. I hope to not look like a dude down the road. I will keep up my facials and eat healthy to avoid that if I can. Loving your post – Have a Great Day!

  4. I liked this post because no one drank any urine… yeah, I’m still traumatized.

  5. Freakin’ awesome post. I can’t wait to find out what you learn in your laboratory.

  6. Add getting old and turning in to a man to the top of my list of fears? Check.

  7. You overlooked Sly Stallone, who is starting to resemble Renaissance representations of the Gorgon Medusa. But I shouldn’t talk. With my sedentary habits, In middle age I will probably look like Jabba the Hut

  8. LOL. Like the pic’s the thing that was missing in a blog post I was doing on this kind of thing. But I’m not a follower. Thats a lie. I’m a follower of your blog but not on subjects. So 1/2 a follower would be more to the liking then. All the best.

  9. I usually don’t notice a dude’s androgyny unless he’s wearing mantyhose

    Steven Tyler, albeit his aging Queen looks, makes gorgeous children.
    Here’s Liv Tyler in my favorite clip from the movie “One Night At McCools”

  10. You sure have an eye to pick out the androgynous.

  11. PATRICK! M-O-O-N, that spells androgynous. We have a similar issue around here, only the equation goes something like
    + Fat _———> – gender identity

  12. I hope I look like a man when I get older.

  13. Paul Stanley from KISS… I’m not sure he’s ever looked like a man… More like a cross between Tony Danza & Barbara Walters.

  14. I wanna know at what age do I cut my hair short, perm it and then dye it red. I want to be ready.

  15. Plastic surgery is a double negative in most cases. The recipient thinks no one notices how young and fresh they look, and then, years and mnore surgeries later, is the only one that can’t see that all that work has made them look like a saggy faced freakshow. I know a lady who had a facelift at 75. Looked great, except it was obvious, especially since her hands still looked like turkey feet. Didn’t go with the face.

  16. Excellent. Now I know that when my man boobs finally settle in, it’s just normal.
    And I’ve got the perfect micro-mini picked out for when they come!

  17. oh – NOW i know why i’m wearing a dress as i type this. 🙂 continue…

  18. SS, Steven Tyler is the master of musical foreshadowing. “Dude Looks Like a Lady” was specifically targeting this phenomenon, as he could see what was happening to himself. As a middle-aged man, I have indeed noticed I really am starting to bloom into one good looking bitch. And I love Coach. Don’t you be disrespectin’ Dauber. Excellent post.

    • Ha ha forgive me for my Coach dis 🙂 That song was in my head the whole time I typed, and it was cracking me up. He’s getting to be one hot lady though, I’m impressed

  19. Oh Girl, you got me thinking! i hope my hormones won’t drive me crazy enough to turn out like any of them… but, if i absolutely have to, i mean don’t get me wrong here, if it is a must, then dear lord please make me look like Jensen Ackels. (If i can’t have him at least i can be a look alike) 😛

  20. Grand Moff Railroad

    Janet Reno was my real life boogie man when I was a child. Some kids saw a demon, some kids saw a lunatic; I saw Janet Reno.

  21. And here I am just hoping to age gracefully into human form.

  22. Screw this halfway shit! If I’m going to change in that direction, then I want to become a very hot Scarlett Johansson, look at myself naked in a full length mirror and play with myself a lot!

    • I don’t know if it works that way, you might end up like Bea Arthur? I mean, if you are getting older right? Ha ha 🙂 I kid….but I don’t think you can become a hot chick after being a dude…oh wait Steven Tyler…never mind, go for it.

  23. Perfect reason to bring back the mullet

  24. Reblogged this on That Girl Named Naima and commented:
    So true as I think about my Uncle Siara whose real name is Clarence and tells everyone he’s Cliara on a bad day hahaha. Now living with full blown Aids and in a wheel chair He threatens to kick the nursing staff’s ass should they be seconds late fetching his daily Pepsi. Luckily Uncaunt Cliara has never suffered at the hands of some surgical knife and is aging gracefully his wheel chair. The pictures used of this post almost made me pee myself with laughter spot on Sheena! reblogging…

  25. There is absolutely no hope for me. I already look sort of man-nish! By the time I hit 50 I’m going to look like Brian Dennehy and John Travolta’s love child.

  26. “Knee deep in bitches at the Pampered Chef party”–great great line. You are frickin’ hilarious, and what great comments by all. My bad side, the one that almost never comes out, of course, often wants to go up to people and ask “I can’t tell–are you an ugly man or an ugly woman?” Plastic facial surgery, except to fix an awful nose or cleft lip or whatever, is awful. Have you seen Courtney Cox lately? She would have looked fine getting older naturally.

  27. Fourth paragraph

    They’re/their violation

    Freeze! Put your hands on the car!

  28. Super funny, Sheena! I’m starting to look like a female Anthony Michael Hall.

  29. I feel that since I looked like Winston Churchill when I was a baby, I’ve paid my androgynous dues.

  30. Donatella Versace looks like Janice the singer from Dr. Teeth’s Electric Mayhem, the rock band on the old Muppett Show.

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