I have admitted before that as a teenager I was an asshole. It’s not like I completely grew out of it either. In fact, it’s not so much conviction that prevents me from harassment, embezzlement, blackmail and maybe arson…but rather a fear of prison. I don’t like the thought of not being able to pluck my eyebrows, which left unattended will consume my face in a caveman like manner. No, I’m far to vain for this.
Well, ten years removed, I thought I might admit to everybody and nobody in particular that, yes, that was me…sorry.
Firstly, on the summer between junior and senior year I managed to get myself grounded for almost the whole summer vacation. That’s another story. My friend Andrew and I did not stop our prank phones calls though. We discovered that if we each did a three-way phone call and then clicked over, muted our own line, then the other two parties would unwittingly talk to each other. So we would call random people from the phone book at the same time and let the mayhem begin. These people were perplexed as to why someone they did not know called them and furthermore why they insisted they did not. Sometimes the call would end amicably and sometimes, when we were lucky, the people would argue, even curse at each other. It was awesome. So, if you got a weird ass phone call ten years ago from someone asking you why you called them when it seemed they called you….sorry, that was me.
Secondly, we also made a profile on a dating phone line. I think it was called Connects. Our profile was a young woman, seeking a swinging couple, that enjoyed role play and the wild side. It just so happened that I was mad at my ex boyfriend at the time so I used his phone number as a contact. Well, I decided it would be great fun to wait until two in the morning and invite strangers to call me. Not only to call but to immediately say the dirtiest thing that came to mind. So this guy got a flood of tacky phone calls all hours of the night. It was bad enough he in so many words made a truce and asked me to stop whatever I was doing. I never really told him how he got calls from guys describing just how they would like him to poop on their chest. I did stop. I feel sorry for any incidental phone calls his parents received. Yeah, that was me too…sorry again.
Same guy, I spied his locker did not have a lock on it. I dumped an entire container of glitter in it. He walked around with glitter on everything and in all his books. It was sparktaculous. Sorry dude, you probably know I did that.
At my apartment complex, there was a flyer placed on all resident’s doors about “human waste repeatedly found in the apartment pool” that’s so shitty ya’ll. Well, my friends and I made our own flyer using the words, poop, poo, boo boo, and shit. We made a picture on paint of a guy swimming in a pool and a turd floating in it. We made copies that we placed on the doors around the complex. That was my doing, I’m not sorry, that was fucking funny.
There was a teacher who was really, really old. She was dubbed “Goody Blackburn” after having to read about the Salem Witch Trails. For whatever reason all the women had the prefix goody. Those puritans were weird. Well she left her classroom open, and it just so happens she had a chalkboard full of dick drawings the next day…I didn’t even have her as a teacher. I did have some part in this too. Sorry lady, it was so inappropriate.
These are the first few violations that come to mind, and now I feel I should apologize. Perhaps, I have reached maturity. I wouldn’t do any of these things now. Well, most of them.