Promises to never; give me up, let me down, run around, dessert me, make me cry, say goodbye, tell a lie and or hurt me? Yeah, I doubt it but it’s catchy. I’ve heard these lines before, and I’ll hear them again. I have entered the dating world again about six months ago and realize it’s a tough. This is a far less bitter post about dating, because I’ve had an epiphany.
Check this out, if guys are going to put in copious amounts of ground work in order to get my goodies, why not capitalize on it. Now, don’t get it twisted I’m not a total fool. Some guys will put in months of groundwork only to drop me if I sleep with them, or don’t sleep with them soon enough.
I have decided that in order to remedy my hurt feelings, I’m going to make sure I make it worth my while. It’s time to experiment.
I want to see how far I can push the boundaries of what a man will do for my vagina. For starters, I think I will suggest a double colonic for our first date. I mean would a guy really be willing to get tubing shoved up his asshole and pumped full of water? I want us to get this done in the same room, no privacy curtain. It’s not like I find the idea of their impacted bowel contents running through clear tubes savory by any means, but I feel nothing could be more humiliating on a first date. You know, because it takes a while to poop in front of your significant other. In my opinion an open door poop is next level. It’s right up there with “I love you” and “Let’s bring other partners into our relationship, you down?”
Following this, and ten pounds of excavated feces, I am willing to bet he’s done. No? Well, then it’s time for a chick movie marathon. I hate romantic comedies, but I am willing to suffer through no less than ten of them just to torture this fool. I will be sure that all of them have a similar story line and even actors that look the same. This won’t be hard to do, most of them will have Jennifer Anniston and Drew Barrymore. I could probably pick them at random and pick pretty much the exact same fucking movie over and over again. Or, even better Titanic, seven times in a row. I will cry the whole time. I’ll stifle my inward feelings of victory.
Perhaps dinner? Well, now it’s time to show off my table manners by getting trashed on several alcoholic beverages. Now it’s time to unload all my baggage. I have a kid, so why not mention I am looking for a “daddy”. On a side note my kid has a fantastic father who couldn’t be better at taking care of him so it would be funny to me. I can talk about my knitting hobby, Precious Moments figurine collection and well old bloody band-aide collection. It’s perfect.
Yep, I have been letting the menfolk off too easy by being a level-headed girl that doesn’t blow up their phone. I am pretty self-confident but I think constantly seeking validation would be a better approach. Perhaps just to appear more reckless, I can throw in some daddy issues of my own albeit made up. It’s bullet proof.
Why? Why Sheena would you put a man through the gauntlet like this? Well, instead of their smooth talk and lies, why not make them put in work. Talk is easy, why not? No more letting these boys off so easy. I mean how simple is it to buy dinner and give compliment or two (grandiose at that, I’m cute, but I’m not fucking Meagan Fox that’s why I work, dickface). If anything I can study this for scientific purposes, and we know scientists study a lot of stupid things that waste an inappropriate amount of funding. I simply want to see how far will a man go? Will he walk 5,000 miles, he will sing about it, will he do it? Stay tuned, I am unleashing pure hell on the dating realm. Insert evil laughter….here.
I kid, but it’s not a bad idea in theory!