Uncle Dad, I Love Him

Information is everywhere. It’s as easy as grabbing your cell phone to google the definitive answer, settling all arguments. I mean who knew that the world of adult baby fetishism was so vast? I am not saying I “googled” said subject, I am just saying…I did it. I looked it up. I am fascinated by adults who want to live as babies. Off the subject here, but you can “babysit” these guys! Gross. Well, I have provided the links, let the smartening commence. Then we shall do battle on Mt. Intelligent.

One bit of readily available information troubles me; Ancestry.com. Specifically this website because I feel the commercials give the wrong impression. Not for services rendered, I’m sure they have a vast collection of records, but for the result. You mean to tell me everyone is related to someone awesome? Let’s check out a commercial shall we?

Riiiiiiight, so you happen to be related to these people who you also happen to have inherited all their positive attributes? Naturally, we wouldn’t put the great great uncle who did taxidermy…and bestial necromancy. His name was one of those squares that was not mentioned. Adversely, I found the Australia commercials to be more honest;

Wait, wait, hold on a minute here! You mean to tell me an obvious Anglo Saxon was related to a convict in Australia? Mind = Blown. I do however feel this is more realistic.

While, I understand advertising, it’s false. How many people are related to someone famous? A lot. How many more people are related to um, no one famous? More. How many people are related to such weirdos they probably wish they hadn’t traced their past? I don’t know, like, a lot of Lifetime movie characters and Luke Skywalker? The chances of finding out something really astounding are far less than finding out something you could easily have guessed. Um, let’s see they worked really hard, didn’t have a lot of money, and well died during an epidemic of sorts…freak farm accident. Those infallible wheat threshers, such a shame. I assume about 75% of the American population was maimed by farm equipment at the turn of the century. The other 25% horribly disfigured in a factory.

Well, that being said, I want to try this out. I compiled a picture list of potentially awesome ancestors to have, I call it the “Fingers Crossed List”

Yes, Yes, Ya’ll.


16 responses to “Uncle Dad, I Love Him

  1. Ha ha! “…. and Luke Skywalker?”

  2. You’re post full of awesome word surprises like “bestial necromancy” and “infallible wheat threshers”. I will do my best to use these somehow in the office today. Also I’m glad you’re upfront about your Transformer lineage. Most people try to hide that. You’re strong person.

  3. According to Bill Bryson, genetically there is every chance you are related to not just one famous person but an awful lot of them! He demonstrates that if you go back enough generations assuming two separate and unrelated parents each time, by the time you reach the Romans you have more people than there have ever been in the world! This means that actually we are all interconnected genetically and the next time someone tries to tell you they can trace the family back to, say, Shakespeare, you can legitimately say “ME TOO!!!!”

    Good luck with finding out your uncle was a transformer – I’ll watch out for the blogpost on that one… 🙂

  4. I think Sheena (not Sheena the Boss, but Sheena, my mentally challenged Husky mix who is, incidentally, running for President- http://elysianhunter.wordpress.com/an-open-letter-to-barack-obama-and-the-democrats-who-mindlessly-follow-him/sheena-for-president/ ) may actually be able to be traced back to Cujo, somewhere through her Uncle-Brother-Dad or something!

    Genealogical studies are not for the timid. I have determined a few things
    about my own lineage, and most of them are not pleasant. Inbreeding – doing the horizontal mambo with first degree relatives (and its “kissing cousin”- linebreeding- as in doing the nasty with your cousins) doesn’t seem to be a problem for me- my family tree does fork- but I have lots of squirrels on both sides. There’s a lot of mental illness and alcoholism on both sides of my family. I have a number of relatives who were/are crazy as shithouse rats, and a number of relatives with those lovely inherited physical diseases that keep on giving, (especially to me) but I’m not related to anyone even remotely famous, or infamous for that matter. I think if most people did some digging in their family histories they would find more skeletons in the closet than they would things to be proud of. Not a good selling point for Ancestry.com, but true.

    It’s still kind of fun to know about your ancestors, and to a degree useful to know your maternal grandfather died at age 53 after five years in an insane asylum, from cirrhosis of the liver.

  5. Funny stuff, but that Judge lady makes like #6 mill a year. That pisses me off.

  6. Optimus Prime, maybe… but Judge Judy?!? I don’t think she’s of this Earth. I think she came down from the heavens to shove justice into the gobs of the wicked.

  7. Funny you should mention it. I actually am related to Optimus Prime.

  8. Ok, God , ya gotta work with me here. I could deal with just about any weirdo or freak and walk away with a smile so I’ll take Roy Bean and you slip Judge Judy on someone else, I swear I’ll be good starting this coming Monday….

  9. Weird! I just had a conversation with a guy who used to date some chick that ran an “adult” babysitting service. Apparently she got paid $500 to wipe dudes butts and burp them. I think i might be in the wrong profession. (though wiping grown hairy asses is a bit of a deterrent from quitting my day job.)

  10. Oh my goodness “find your convict ancestors at ancestry dot com dot au”!!!! I know I can trust Hank (playingwithwordsisfun.wordpress.com) to point me to great reading material!

  11. Pingback: Netflix B Movie Horror Lovefest | Facehookin'

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