Culturally Appropriate Much?

I have conducted a social experiment in the past unbeknownst to my subjects. Now, you may wonder to yourself, Sheena is not a scientist, so why is she conducting experiments? My answer is shut your pie hole, if scientists can study big boobs equates to big tips (GTFO is that why there’s Hooters restaurant I soooo thought it was diarrhea inducing wing sauce) then I can study anything, anything at all, and call it “science”. Now here I go: kickin’ the new k-nowledge.

Back to my groundbreaking research. My hypothesis: Rednecks will claim a Native American heritage regardless of actual said lineage being legitimate. I live in Tennessee, there is an abundance of rednecks. I conducted my study at my last job (which was like getting donkey punched everyday for eternity bad, seriously, fuck that place). I asked twenty people I worked with about their Native American heritage. The result was eleven verbal confirmations of “indian blood from a great great great granny” or something similar. Wow, that’s specific and concise. I was even able to predict who would say yes by determining how redneck they are. For example: Do they have an almost phallic love for guns? Do they love college football more than pro? Do they believe in actual Satanic worship being a pandemic problem? Do they think Jesus hates the people they do? Oh shit that was deep…you get the idea.  It really was a “litmus paper” of sorts.

More so, the most prevalent of claims are Cherokee heritage. Granted, Cherokee tribes were quite prevalent in east Tennessee. So were the Shawnee, Chickasaw and Yuchi, just to name the bigger tribes. So why Cherokee? Well it seems that membership of the clan was determined by the mother. So a woman could marry and the husband was adopted into the clan. So says the internet. I’m no historian. It does at least make it believable that many Americans with other obvious ancestry could possibly be related to the Cherokee…perhaps.

Okay so I will give rednecks that. Perhaps the Cherokee were quite open to membership like AAA or Sam’s Club. Whatever. It still doesn’t fully explain this phenomenon of white people wearing things they have poorly reproduced from various Native American tribes. Informative links provided to feel less stupider!

                                                               Dreamcatchers

                                                                       Feathers 

“Jesus, bra, help me catch that mother fff-uhhh, uh, guy, amen”

Clothing?

Now if you’re curious, conduct this experiment among the Caucasian people you know. A large majority will claim to have distant relatives of a Native American tribe, if you’re in Tennessee and probably North Carolina, the majority will say Cherokee.

The best part is the ratio equation of racial bloodline composition. Meaning you will also have some idiot say, “Well now, my mama wuz about a quarter Indian, uh, a Cherokee princess (because they had monarchic rule, thanks Disney for making us even less culturally aware) and I do believe my pappy was an Chipamottoto (wait, did he make that shit up?) and so I reckon that makes me 3/8 of an Indian (Native American right?) yep.”

Hopefully this is not misconstrued and racist, it’s not.  I for one think we are far too insensitive to Native American culture. I know how some people love to be offended so I had to throw that out there. This isn’t a socioeconomic attack on the poor or uneducated southerners either. Mind you, I grew up around this, it’s part of my life. I can’t help but poke a little fun.

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37 responses to “Culturally Appropriate Much?

  1. Great piece!
    By the way, it is your blog, your opinion, observations from where you live, so don’t apologize. You can’t please haters, so why bother?

    • It is, perhaps, I wanted it to be clear I have no beef with Native Americans…rednecks…kinda suck 🙂 I just feel my opinion seems more valid being I seriously am around this most days! Thank you for reading!

  2. You’re awesome.

  3. As a real proper scientist – I am – then I’d say that everyone should perform such thoughtful experiments in the world around them and consider themselves a scientist too!

    We were actually told in school that children, from birth, try to understand the world and so everyone is actually a scientist!

    FM

  4. Scientifically speaking, you speak with unforked tongue…..

  5. Considering the brutal and barbaric treatment of Native Americans in our past history, in which the end result was very close to genocide, it seems so ironic that now there’s lots of white folk trying to claim some sort of dubious and vague connection with Native Americans.

    Up here in Massachusetts where I live, we don’t have people trying to claim a few drops of Native American blood in their veins, but instead, we have given towns and streets American Indian names all over the place. Even the name of our state, Massachusetts, is the name of an Indian chief who used to live here.

    And of course here in our state, we also have a very ugly history of terrible treatment of the local Native American tribes, yet we love all those Indian names, which I have always thought was very ironic and weird.

    Maybe in some twisted and romanticized way to stroke their own egos, white people enjoy fantasizing about their mostly BS Native American heritage. Long after our ancestors all but exterminated them, I guess that some of us just like the idea of Native Americans, now that they are hundreds of years removed from our actual life experience.

    • Thank you, It’s true. I have read into it, and it breaks my heart. If more people read what Colombus REALLY did he wouldn’t have a day on the calendar, he would be every bit the villain Hitler is. It’s terrible irony. It doesn’t stroke my ego to do any thing other than educate myself and my kid. The real history that is.

  6. BAHhaha! I never thought of it before, but I see what you mean. And I didn’t know you were so “close” (relatively speaking). I’m in SoKy! I think I need to write an in dept redneck study on how every one in five people I see in Walmart has a “front-butt.” (I’m not talking just a little chunky, here…)

  7. jessica the awesome

    Tis true Sheena! I do know my great great grandmother Zilpha was a full blooded Cherokee so yes I accept that heritage…I also accept the heritage left to me from her husband my great great grandfather who was an Irish immigrant. Also in TN were the Creek Indians. Andrew Jackson royally fucked the Cherokees and the Creeks they thought he was their friend…he is the reason for the Trail of Tears. The Cherokees named it this, they were the last native Americans to leave the area and did so forced out by their friend Andrew Jackson. Pisses me off that he is so celebrated! He was a crazy fuck! He went into Florida while still a general and slaughtered many many Seminoles….why? Because he wanted to! Because he thought the US should have it not Spain. Even though he was not ordered to do this…everyone was like ah it’s cool he just killed some savages and got us some dope ass land! Our country’s beginnings are shameful

    • Yes, Jackson is celebrated. I read some about the Trail of Tears it was more like a death march. It was my understanding that they once had a good relationship with Jackson. Imagine how that hurt all the more. Ugh. I hate it really. I didn’t want to get so deep but it’s hard not to. Let’s face it, Europeans treated them worse than animals. It’s awful.

  8. This post had me at “donkey punch”
    I run into this a lot here in Arizona, too. Not just with Native American, but Italian, Spanish, Russian, ect… Its a bit strange to me. As if just admitting you’re nothing but a boring caucasian mutt is totally unaccapable. And people get COMPETITIVE about it: “I’m half German with a quarter Cherokee and three quarters Brazillian, and this makes me mostly awesome.. What are you?”
    I’m fucking Wonder Bread, asshole. Learn math.

    • Yes I love how we become fractions! I am interested in my lineage, I really am, but only just to know? Not to brag. Silliness! Ha ha donkey punch I was hoping someone would catch that!

      • I seriously look for any and all opportunities to use it in a sentence. Just thinking the words brings a smile to my face. “donkey punch”. lolz.

  9. ouch! Painfully honest writing then Sheena! Great stuff – love “in yer face and slap you around a bit” kinda writing. You tell em girl 🙂

  10. Pretentious people suck, especially toothless pretentious people. I’m part Scandinavian and part other Scandinavian. It was great of you to put that picture up of your two most recent boyfriends. 😉 I love the lobster look on the one and the beer gut on the other. So much that I am thinking of going bisexual–do you have their phone numbers?
    I believe everything about Disney’s “Pocahantas” except that she was able to talk and sing in English when she’d never met an Englishman before.
    You are hilarious and cute; if I was 30 years younger I’d come to Tennessee and grow a front butt and hope to run into you in Walmart.

    • Yes those were my former lovers, both men. I used to make farty noises on the one’s gut. He would giggle and spill High Life all over me! Oh the days! I will gladly relay their personal info as they are phenomenal in the haystack. I also doubt Pocahontas being able to sing in English upon first meeting John Smith, or her ability to jump down a waterfall with ghost horses…yeah she could do that shit in the movie. I am so flattered! Thank you. Front butt is the quickest way to a woman’s heart!

  11. I think that part of what you are pointing out is how the claims to Native American heritage, true or not, are often used in the same way as “some of my best friends are black!” — that is, as an excuse for bigotry.

  12. While we may be too insensitive towards Native Americans, we are, alas not near insensitive enought to rednecks.
    Of course, rednecks are also a great source of income for those “full size vehicle lawn ornaments” you can see so many of in the redneck preserves…

  13. No censors here. Amusing as always.

  14. Well, that doesn’t happen too much in the Ozarks where a lot of my family lives, but I love how all americans identify as something other than american: “I’m 1/8th irish, 1/5th German and 1/2 donkey”. Heck, I do too, but I still realize how silly it is.

  15. I visited Miami once, can I claim some sort of heritage? 🙂

    Jim

  16. I’m sure you’ve heard the Randy Newman song…

  17. Oh, lordy! It is true that many people from rural Appalachia are descended (in part) from Native Americans of different tribes. That’s where you get the “Cherokee princess” and other illustrious claims from the Redneck Nation. It is also true that in WV Native Americans weren’t allowed to vote until 1920. So it was in your best interest back in the late 19th/ early 20th centuries if you had any kind of European ancestry to claim those Anglo names, and say you’re white ,so you can vote.

    So in rural WV there are a lot of rather swarthy, straight black-haired people with no body hair to speak of, with Anglo names. The gene pool is rather shallow down there- and a constant subject of Uncle Dad jokes- but that’s largely because the population has been extremely isolated until the past 40 or 50 years.

    My illustrious other half was born here in civilization, but his parents came from deep, deep in the hollers of WV and have about a fourth grade education between them. Both of his parents deny any sort of Native American heritage, even though it’s pretty obvious when you look at them. His Dad is so convinced he’s Anglo (and he probably is, maybe about 1/32nd or so, ’cause that’s where he got the Anglo surname) that he used to belong to the KKK. It doesn’t say much that the KKK down there welcomed him with open arms. It sort of reminds me of that spoof Chappelle did on the blind black white supremacist.

    Overall, as much intermingling of people groups that has gone on in this country since its inception, why can’t we just get off that concept of race? Every people group out there has been responsible for slaughters, owning slaves, etc. and every people group out there have been slaves and have been the slaughtered. Whoop-de-do. If a person’s ancestors have been in this country for any length of time, it is almost assured that you have Native Americans somewhere in your pedigree. In the end we’re all a pretty crazy mix. It’s time to evaluate people based on their character and ability and what they accomplish- black, white, green, straight, bi, gay, furry- and even redneck. 🙂

    • Personally, I would love it if you were simply American by default of living here. Unfortumately our grim history is going to affect that for some time to come. Perhaps we are moving away from it a little. I would say so. Now if we could only accept furries and rednecks with a little more love. Oh and the KKK thing BEST Chapelle skit next to the Rick James bit…classic. Seriously, what a good satirical undertone of the race issue Mr. Chapelle made. It’s kind of deep really. We really are only carrying much of the race issues because of the way we are taught. The country we know is based on immigration, I suppose our culture truly is hard to define. Perhaps it also explains a fascination with racial assignment? Who knows. Meh, I just think rednecks are sexy, I mean funny, I mean sexy…shut up Sheena. (not the dog..me)

  18. gingerjudgesyou

    I laughed out loud at the “my answer is shut your pie hole.” Also, rednecks scare me.

  19. So many lol-worthy moments in this post.

    I grew up in Calfornia where everyone was always trying to claim a different ethnicity than their own. I swear, EVERYONE was 1/4 Mexican or Asian or Dinosaur.

  20. I like in Arkansas, and my dad was horrible as I grew up, telling me how we had Cherokee blood in us. I’m sure we do, somewhere, but that’s not the point. The point is, damn near everyone has an extra something in them.

  21. I think it’s reasonable to assume a lot of Americans have Indian blood. I mean…everybody was gettin’ with everybody back then. The part that bothers me is when someone who may (or may not) have Cherokee (or other tribe) blood in them suddenly acts like they’re proud of their tribe. Uhh…just because you got a college scholarship for proving you’re 15% native indian doesn’t mean you have a meaningful connection to your ancestors. During history class, you probably root for the pioneers (or whoever?) that killed them off.

  22. you are just way too cool,,,

    -peace

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