The other day I had the fortune to witness the most incredible visual phenomenon. It was a firetruck, with four firemen inside, all of them smoking hot (pun intended). They were muscled, tanned and doing “blue steel”, all four of them. Really.
I stared them down like I was a redneck in Waffle House. It was like a calendar shoot was taking place right in front of me. I wanted to follow them to the station and have less inhibitions than a fatty fat fat at the China buffet. My memory has this all happening in slow motion because the sexier you are, the more delayed your gross motor functions, right? Slow motion for me, slow motion for me.
In my fantasies they just rescued an orphanage, school, church and animal shelter. One of them heroically carried a puppy out of the inferno. He gave it tiny puppy CPR bringing it back to life and giving the dog to a deserving orphan with those creepy big 60’s eyes. For serious, I saw one of these paintings and those kids accessed my soul and put bad things there. I’m getting cold chills, and I don’t think those two like adults, not in their isolated country town where all the kids have slain them.
I wonder if these guys were really this beautiful though. Perhaps they only increased in sexual appeal because chicks dig uniforms. I’m a sucker for them. I think it’s kind of a hologram effect. Men look hotter when they wear a uniform. So, make it a group and put them in a shiny red fire truck. They looked like Grecian statues riding around. I think they pulled an optical illusion on me. I have heard guys say that when girls are together in a group the hottest one kind of rubs off on the rest and they look a little hotter by default. I think it’s the same premise here. Either way, it was pretty great. My guess is they probably looked like this:
I like to think that those guys looked like this: