The Attractive Collective Illusion

The other day I had the fortune to witness the most incredible visual phenomenon. It was a firetruck, with four firemen inside, all of them smoking hot (pun intended). They were muscled, tanned and doing “blue steel”, all four of them. Really.

I stared them down like I was  a redneck in Waffle House. It was like a calendar shoot was taking place right in front of me. I wanted to follow them to the station and have less inhibitions than a fatty fat fat at the China buffet. My memory has this all happening in slow motion because the sexier you are, the more delayed your gross motor functions, right? Slow motion for me, slow motion for me. 

“Let’s sing the murder song”

In my fantasies they just rescued an orphanage, school, church and animal shelter. One of them heroically carried a puppy out of the inferno. He gave it tiny puppy CPR bringing it back to life and giving the dog to a deserving orphan with those creepy big 60’s eyes. For serious, I saw one of these paintings and those kids accessed my soul and put bad things there. I’m getting cold chills, and I don’t think those two like adults, not in their isolated country town where all the kids have slain them.

I wonder if these guys were really this beautiful though. Perhaps they only increased in sexual appeal because chicks dig uniforms. I’m a sucker for them. I think it’s kind of a hologram effect. Men look hotter when they wear a uniform. So, make it a group and put them in a shiny red fire truck. They looked like Grecian statues riding around. I think they pulled an optical illusion on me.  I have heard guys say that when girls are together in a group the hottest one kind of rubs off on the rest and they look a little hotter by default. I think it’s the same premise here. Either way, it was pretty great. My guess is they probably looked like this:

“Ah poo, it’s just volunteer firefighters, bummer”

I like to think that those guys looked like this:

“I save these things like all the time.”

“Hero’s don’t wear pants, ask Heman.”

I’m pretty sure it was these four guys specifically. I have convinced myself actually.



32 responses to “The Attractive Collective Illusion

  1. Borrow a neighbor’s kitten, toss it into the nearest tree, call 9-1-1, stand around in a skimpy outfit looking concerned when the firemen show up and, well, see what happens.

    • OH my gosh, I was going to jog by their firehouse and pretend to faint! ha ha ha! I’m not against doing this still. I love me some firemen.

  2. I’ve never had a close encounter with a fireman. They are so hot (yeah, that’s what I said), I get freaked out just looking at them. Just out of college, I lived in Boston and my roomies and I would take the long way from anywhere just to walk by the fire station in our neighborhood and pretend to not look at the fire fighters. Sigggghhhh.

  3. Great stuff, an whether it was real or illusory, glad you enjoyed it!

  4. OMG – Is it HOT in here or what??? Thanks for sharing and Have a Hot Smokin Day:)

  5. It’s hard to see someone’s butter face when the glare of the firetruck is in your eyes.

  6. I like military men,. There’s that men in uniform thing again.

  7. Weird…. When I wore my favor jacket (they told me between doses this was required uniform) at the ShadyGrove wellness home, the nurses never found me more attractive than the doctors and male nurses! I even tried helping out to impress them. I helped try and clean the windows, though they said I kept leaving too many tongue streaks. I guess next time I should ask them to give me a fire engine red jacket instead of plain old white/gray!? *sighs*

  8. Just walk in to that favorite fire station, nearly nude, tell them your from city code enforcement and your there for the annual hose inspection. Be sure and keep us loyal followers informed as to what happens…..

  9. Men in uniform are HOT. Period.
    Every morning at the metro station I see these police men monitoring and there’s something about their lean tall athletic bodies and the uniforms that make me wonder If I can really really go to work after looking at such amazing sights. Sigh, but I do.

    This also reminds me of this 1 most handsome police dude in a jewelry shop buying a ring for his sister or mother I assume (i don’t want to assume anything ELSE) and then my friend comments in my ear ”Babe I can’t stop staring at the guy beside you” and I was shocked because I was also literally drooling over him. 😛

  10. You are a funny lady.

  11. You know what’s second to fire fighters? Ambulance men. OMG. At the clinic I work, we females PRAY that someone comes in with a heart attack, because that means we can call 911. And when we call 911, its a standard proceedure to send a fire truck along with the EMTs. Why this is, I DON’T KNOW, alls I know is that firemen ride in firetrucks, and therefore the facility will be filled with firemen and ambulance men ALL AT THE SAME TIME. It’s almost unbearable. I’m pretty sure if soldiers showed up at the same time, I would be crying and babies would just start falling out of my vagina from the hormone overload.

  12. I sure love me some Waffle House !

  13. It was absolutely those 4 guys. I think all 4 actually volunteer at the firehouse around the corner from me. I walk my dog by there and smile and one always gives Porter a treat. I’m waiting for me treat. Patiently.

  14. Awesome post! I wrote about this same thing not long ago in one of my Life in the Military posts. There’s the “Desert Queen” phenomenon where average–or even unattractive–women in a deployed location seem incredibly hot because there are no other women around.

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