Reality TV and Predicting Psychosis

What’s more disappointing than a fight that doesn’t climax into blood shed, bone breakage and  destruction? A girl fight. Specifically, a reality TV girl fight. For whatever reason, this is gaining in popularity, while adversely being the number one channel changing factor in my television viewing.

wait for it….wait for it….wait for it….wait for it….wait for it….

I happened to watch The Bad Girls Club on America’s most accidentally watched channel: Oxygen. Oxygen is trying to be a trendier Lifetime Network. While at any given time on Lifetime you can watch a movie about an evil man (with a penis) stalk a cervical cancer patient who is a successful attorney with an abducted daughter that may or may not be a psychic medium haunted by the ghosts of murdered sorority girls (who are bullied on-line). You think I am being sarcastic I’m not, turn your TV to lifetime, if it’s not a Poise commercial, it’s going be what I described. Tori Spelling may or may not be in this one, when she’s not Kirk Cameron plays the heroine. Yep, he does, he plays the women in Lifetime movies. I don’t make the rules. I obey them.

Now back to Bad Girls Club and shows like it. Following the success of Jersey Shore, it seems like there are more reality shows that showcase dumb girls. I don’t particularly take offense as a woman, we all know reality TV is scripted and just for ratings. Plus, I should be fetching beer and getting pregnant right? Yeah, sounds about right.

Thankfully, my IUD turns my uterus into the final round of American Gladiators for my eggs. Blaze and Ice kicking ass, taking no prisoners…then making out.

My biggest beef with reality TV is the arguing that goes nowhere. I am not sure what producer decided an uneventful shouting match would efficiently fill air time. I hate shouting matches anywhere really, and maybe that’s why I hate it on TV. I’m about action, don’t talk about fighting, get to it. I want to see someone actually bust someone in the mouth not deliberate on it for ten minutes until “security” breaks it up. These people might as well say, “Hey, we’re not really going to fight, just yell alot, don’t waste your time gathering. If security could go ahead and get in between us as we continue to yell but passively allow ourselves to be escorted away that would be pretty cool too.”

“Liar Liar pants on fire!”

The Bad Girls club is the biggest offender of this. Here’s how the show goes:

skank 1: “I’m gonna pop off up in here and go crazy on you bitches!”

skank 2: “I’m drunk and mad, I’m going to yell really loud and not wear panties! I’m about to go crazy!”

skank 3: “I like to yell! Who is not aware I’m a badass? Why am I mad? I don’t remember! Guys think drunk girls are sexy, where are my panties?! Who wants to throw this bitch’s mattress in the pool? I’m about to go crazy!”

Bikinis or nudity is mandatory “One of us, One of us”

That is a summary of the show, if you have DVR, you can play the show at any moment and that’s exactly what’s happening. They additionally like to mention that they are “crazy” or “going to go crazy” as if psychosis has ample warning. Plus if there is an actual fight it will involve a lot of hair pulling, yawn, and then play by play account (and even Joe Rogan can’t make it seem awesome).

Joe Rogan tells Kellogs to fuck off

I’m just saying, when people for serious go crazy they lash out, and do not provide warning. Even if you have an intuitive and let’s face weird ass kid, you don’t get much preparation for the crazy.

Ha! Surprise!

Yeah like that! You know, I’ll just rent a pay-per-view instead.

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25 responses to “Reality TV and Predicting Psychosis

  1. The cast of “Bad Girls Club” crewing one of the ships from “Deadliest Catch.” That’s a show I would watch. I’m sure they’ve already had experience with crabs.

  2. Yay! Guess what? I have nominated you for an award! You are just that special to me. It’s the Reader Appreciation Award, and you can check everything out, obviously, on MY blog, where MY stuff is. MINE. Pero, mi blog es tu blog…o mas o menos. xD

    http://mylifeinheartbeats.wordpress.com/2012/06/03/reader-appreciation-and-holy-fuck-its-a-blog-post/

  3. Bravo–well-played, Sheena girl. You followed a righteous but entertaining rant with great hilarity. Cute and very funny, you deserve good things in life. You almost make me want to do some writing myself sometime before the sun explodes. Don’t hold your breath, though.
    P. S.: My beer? Is your leg broken, that you haven’t brought me one yet?

    • Thanks, and you should write, because the sun will most surely explode. I’m glad you got a laugh, the pictures are always my favorite to comment on. I’ll bring a beer but I need a shopping cart to help me walk upright to bring it to you 🙂

  4. the definition of “crap TV.” continue…

  5. Fun read, Sheena. I guess that The Bad Girls Club should be more like Fight Club? Nah, way too much to expect from a reality TV show.

    Really enjoyed your quick plot synopsis of a typical Lifetime movie – especially character of evil man (with a penis) “Quick! Somebody call Lorena Bobbitt!” 🙂 I don’t doubt that these movie plots exist on Lifetime, because I’ve watched Lifetime before, and my excuse is extreme drunkenness late at night, on a night many years ago.

    Laughed at pic of Joe Rogan telling Kelloggs to fuck off, and if you ever read the true history of John Harvey Kellogg, who co-invented the breakfast cereal with his brother, you’ll know that someone should have told him to fuck off many years ago, because his views on sexuality were so repressive and fanatical that I think he may have been psychotic.

    Speaking of psychotic, that pic of Nicholson is a classic and always will be.

    My wife and watched “Blue Velvet” last night for the first time in a long time, (assuming you’ve seen it – did you like it?) and we thought it was just as dark and depraved, as well as darkly funny and sarcastically corny as when we watched it back in the mid 1980s.

    Thank you for watching Lifetime & Oxygen, and shows like The Bad Girls Club and then blogging about it. Because unlike actually watching this stuff, reading your writing about it is fun and entertaining!

    • ha ha ha! well you are welcome then. I watch and then feel like I should kinda hate myself…but now I do it for “research” purposes. The Joe Rogan pic made me giggle when I posted it. I haven’t seen this movie but I will now,sounds great. Love Jack!

  6. It’s weird to me that these girls aren’t more creative in their fighting. Seems like they could come up with some really hurtful insults if they would just try harder. If they’re not going to throw punches, they might as well make it hurt emotionally. That’s more fun for the viewer at least.

  7. Reading about how these girls fight makes my school fights more appealing to me.Oh wait, they were actually. I had gifted bleedy noses and received bumps as return gifts 😛

  8. They’re just misunderstood morons, that’s all!

  9. “I’m gonna pop off!” is one of my favorite lines from a reality television series, ever. I also like, “Keep it movin’ bitch”

    So cla$$y.

  10. Well,there USED to be actual fights on Jerry Springer til they all realized it’s a huge liability. Say the L-word and magically, no more actual fighting. I would bet that has at least SOMETHING to do with it. That other percentage being most people are all talk and with no ass to back it up.

  11. Ok, now I need to go on the inter-webs and watch this show. 🙂 But psssst..

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