Shut Your Pie Hole: Part Three

I’ve written before about conversational faux pas, not once, but twice before. Well, it’s always fun to revisit my favorite subject; people being assholes all day everyday.

Well I’ve gathered some more violations that coincidentally render me full of overwhelming desire to whirl my arms in a windmill action and run straight forward into the person talking.

3. Being a condescending arrogant fuckface about uncommon knowledge.

Everyone has a hobby or interest and with that carries a superior knowledge pertaining to that particular subject. Perhaps they are a “specialist” in the area.

For example you have someone who’s really into a specific music genre. They are absolute snobs about specific varieties because just enjoying music that you like is absurd. This can relate to the inability to acknowledge legitimate talent to a “sell-out” music group. No one is less discriminating in taste because they don’t know about the all transsexual (and one bear) jazz fusion group from Iceland you post You Tube videos about on Facebook all fucking day. Furthermore, no one purposefully clicks those links and when they do they say “Uh! Damn you touch screen! Go back!” However this is the same type of person who is an absolute snob about you saying, “Oh hey, so I downloaded The Black Key’s new album and it’s so good.” They in turn have to dramatically roll their eyes and make face just to say, “They became SO commercial, I can’t believe you listen to that.” They manage to alienate themselves as much as their music alienates itself because you, know, most people don’t like it. Ha.

My senior year English teacher was arrogant prick about all things grammar. It was like he was flabbergasted he had to teach us anything. How dare we students need to be educated? He, by the way, must have had heinous Benign Prostatic Hyperplasia. His nickname was “donkey balls”, also his wife looked like a man. One time, a student realized that his wife happened to be another teacher there and exclaimed, “That’s your wife? I swore I thought she was a les…um…oh…crap.” My teacher’s balls were pulsating with anger. Ha.


it's like I had my high school yearbook on google images

I’m not certain where the overconfidence comes from but I think it relates to how much someone identifies themself as a person with that activity or knowledge.

2. Insistent People Who Will Not Take NO for an Answer

It’s awkward enough to be polite as possible when you say “No” to an engagement you don’t want to commit to. It’s torture to say no a thousand freaking times. However, the other party is not getting the hint and is providing a million alternatives to enable you to attend. Maybe even murder…

Small example, say you hate pumpkin flavored anything in life. I do, if all forms of contraception was pumpkin flavored I would choose abstinence. More realistically, I would have an abundance of unplanned pregnancies.


Drink I tell you, you have to watch your brother and sister tonight

Incidentally, someone insists you would just love THEIR version of pumpkin pie and abandon your prejudice, giving redemption to all pumpkins the world over. Making the Great Pumpkin and Linus really happy. Well, lets say you relent just to stop the not shutting up that’s going on. You realize suddenly, this is what Ke$ha’s mouth tastes like when she wakes up in the morning. You want to gargle with sulfuric acid. Yep, you still hate pumpkins.


With one exception

This may or may not have happened to me personally, so that was all hypothetical. For whatever reason, these kind of people don’t interpret the words that are coming out of your mouth as a decline to their invite so they just keep asking over and over.

1. Healthy Advice Givers When Advice is Not Asked For.

I actually, care a whole bunch about health. I work out, I eat healthy, I work in the healthcare profession. It’s my passion. I don’t say anything about to anyone, as if it were Fight Club. I eat my vegetables and humus and STFU about it while I do it. Now, my coworkers know that I live this way but only because they ask and I in turn will tell them. They cheered aloud when I joined them in a cupcake celebration. I mean, I am human, and…cupcakes.

However, no matter the GMO filled, hydrogenated fat packed, chemically treated foods they eat, I’m going to be silent. Everybody knows vegetables good, candy bad. Everybody. They have internet access, a library card and a physician just like me.


This it's way better than having a life!

Well meaning health fanatics can sometimestake it to level ridiculous. They think they are privy to occult knowledge. I don’t mind being told about the dangers of a product’s chemical, I really don’t, but don’t be a hypervigilant nag about it. People tend to shut down when they experience constant correction. Also, people are going to live the way they want to and will not seek help until they are ready…if ever they are ready. So while a persistently critical health fanatic might live a long, healthy life it will probably be a lonely one too. This whole organic moment is growing in popularity (which, don’t get me wrong is really awesome), it’s ushered in a whole new kind of asshole behavior.

Well…that’s all for now. Comment, share…criticize (this may be shocking but not everyone it’s a fan of my blog).


12 responses to “Shut Your Pie Hole: Part Three

  1. You’ve opened up a can of whoopass Sheena, causing me to recall various cases of being a victim of insufferable assholes.

    I may well write my own treatise about cases I ‘ve encountered.

    One of the worst-case scenarios involves sitting next to a 300 pound dude on an airplane for 4 hours who blabbermouthed incessantly about his crappy low-end sales job as he sat overflowing the seat onto me with his shoes off.

    God save us from the a-holes of the world.

    Great post here. Laughing hard.

    • Thank you, I think all of that is awful but the last straw would be no shoes. Grosses me out when ppl take their shoes of in public, I hate feet. Also airlines should just go ahead and make bigger seats…I mean we’re nit known to be a slender nation in general.that’s really not to be mean it’s just that they really should have like a row or two of bigger seats….trash I Gauss that sounds mean…I promise it’s not :). Blabbermouths are the worst, I have amazing tuning out abilities. I’m as bad as men get accused of being. if I’m focused on something I done hear anything. Lastly the plane is a bad place to be BC you can’t get away torture!

  2. I’m sure you made some spelling or grammar mistakes, but a person as important as I am doesn’t have time to try to educate someone of as obviously low birth as you.
    So, seriously, Youtube comments are my favorites; I think some people on there would actually shoot each other if the other (obviously useless and ignorant) commenter were actually in the same room as them.

    • Yeah, see here I actually want to be told, b/c it’s a blog and I make an effort to be as on point as possible but like facebook, youtube and my texts arrrggggg! The worst is “Grammar nazi here, sorry but….blah blah….” I hate the apologizing and do it anyway! ha ha. I would love to smack those ppl.

  3. My personal favorites – Believers, because I really need to be saved, honestly, I do, save me!

    I have a t-shirt saying “save me”

    And you are not allowed to kill them when they knock on the door at random times. I want to wander round town stopping people and telling them there is no god. I wonder if I would be left in peace to do that?

    I am available on the internet for general abuse, demonic possesion etc, I will probably be castigated until I remove all online presence or admit that really I was joking and I do believe.

    Oh well,


    • Yes, it’s annoying and I live it everyday in the South. I’m so sick of people who correct what you say in relation to their religion, THAT’S the worst for me. I think it’s worse that people don’t want the government to tell anyone what to believe but don’t want to take religion out of state saying “Founding fathers this and that…” You’re right if you went door to door telling people what you don’t believe…well, it would be ugly. Our country is selectively tolerant of religion and it’s supposed to be free. *sigh*

  4. Ahhh…I’m a mom and none are more asshole-ish than moms who think they know it ALL and make sure that you know it. I hate them. They fall into the condescending arrogant fuckface category.

  5. I want to give you a standing ovation for this. There was a woman (the office health nut) who applauded me for eating a Lean Cuisine at lunch one day. I looked up at her and said, “Don’t get it twisted. This is just an appetizer.”

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